Why I Was Not Happy With Oprah and Iyanla

A couple months ago, Oprah Winfrey and Iyanla Vanzant did a show on fatherless sons. It was powerful and it alarmed the world of this epidemic. As I watched, I said to myself, "what about the fatherless daughters of the world." I guess she heard me...lol! Well, not really. She heard from many women, who wrote in and asked the same question. Therefore, they decided to do something on fatherless daughters as well. They are calling it "Daddyless Girls." For some reason, Ms. Vanzant seems to think there is a difference between fatherless daughters and daddyless girls. 

Not to discredit my sister, whom I have the highest love and respect for, I don't believe there is a difference. The show "Daddyless Girls" will air soon on the OWN network, so please check your local listing for dates/times. 

I watched the taping of these two shows online which will air on OWN later. It was very interesting. They did a segment on the fatherless sons first,  as a follow up. Which I loved. But when they got to the "Daddyless Girls", I was not as happy. I felt they were a little too playful with the topic. Because of the work I do, I've seen so much suffering and I too have experienced the suffering...therefore this topic is no laughing matter. 

I felt that they focused on just one type of fatherless daughter, the promiscuous one. Yes, many women who were fatherless will become promiscuous. Studies have proven this as a fact. They will make a lot of wrong choices in relationships because of their daddy wounds. But not all of us, and there are so many other variables to the saga of the fatherless daughters. 

You maybe reading this and wondering how does this effect your life? This topic effects all of us because we are trying to form friendships, business partnerships and alliances with women who were fatherless growing up. Please understand that a fatherless daughters is a woman who grew up with an absent, unavailable or unattached father. She is not just a girl whose father was not around. I have discovered that 80% of adult women are experiencing the fatherless daughter syndrome and this one key missing element is having a negative impact on their lives. ...even with daddy in the home. But what impacts one woman, impacts us all. 

This fatherless daughter issue is huge. It's causing women to suffer on many levels of their lives. Not just with relationships with men and promiscuity, but also in how we raise our children, how we behave on our jobs, how we interact with others, our relationship with money and how we see ourselves and view the world as a whole.

I am so excited that Oprah has started this conversation. I have been studying, writing, speaking and teaching on fatherless daughters for years. So it delights me to know that a conversation has started on a much larger and global level. But there must be more than simply talking. We must find solutions to a growing issue among us that is causing so many women's lives to suffer. We may not make the 6 o'clock news, but we are out here and we are many. When our women suffer, so does our world. 

While we are having this conversation, let's also find ways to heal. Over the years, I have helped hundreds of fatherless daughters to heal and move their lives forward through my breakthrough program.

I will tell you that to date: my "Fatherless Daughter Breakthrough Coaching Program" is the ONLY one of its kind that exists today. While I am delighted to know that I have the only existing coaching program specifically designed to help us breakthrough our daddy's wounds, I am also shocked to know that more people have not stepped up to do more. That is why I am going to be offering a certification to those women who would love to teach and coach The Fatherless Daughter's Breakthrough Program. You will be certified to help so many women through this program. 

As I continued to watch Oprah's taping of the show, I was able to identify why she and Iyanla were not as in depth and laughed a lot during the discussion on this topic...they too are fatherless daughters. Oprah's dad was unattached and Iyanla's was unavailable...according to their stories. They would have had to dig into their pain and reveal it on the show in order to really teach how to heal. And trust me when I say that daddy wounds are deep and painful wounds. But it's when we show our wounds, acknowledge they exist, that we can really begin to heal them.

Again, I salute and love dearly these two women for having the conversation. Now we must start the movement towards healing. If you want to become a certified facilitator of The Fatherless Daughter Breakthrough System, or you simply want to heal your own daddy wounds, I want to invite you to join me on for my upcoming Fatherless Daughter Breakthrough Coaching Program. This program is also a pre-requisite for those who want to become a certified facilitator. I am offering this program at a huge savings, so you'd better hurry and register. I have limited seats available. 

"Fatherless Daughters Group Coaching Program", starting on July 8th. 

I Didn't Want You Upset With Me

As women we tend to base our  self worth and value on what we do instead of who we are. I know first hand this to be true. I use to be a pleaser. If I thought someone was upset with me, I would do something really nice for them or I would call them on the phone to talk, just to see if I could tell from their voice if they were upset with me. I always worried whether I did enough of the right things or if I said something the wrong way to cause someone not to like me. I would feel the tension in my stomach rise in a panic, but once I discovered that everything was okay or that I did enough to earn their approval once more, I would feel the tension ease.

I know this sounds crazy coming from The Love Lifestyle Coach, but for years this was how I lived my life. Trying to be everything to everyone and never wanting to disappoint anyone. What a roller coaster ride my life had become? Always trying to gauge the situation to be sure that I did all the right things, that I did nothing wrong or ruffled anyone’s feathers. My belief was, “if I am perfect, they will love me and not leave me.” I needed everyone to like me, to be nice to me, to accept me and more importantly– to love me.   

As I began to grow, expand and seek the help of mentors who could show me the source of my insecurities, I was able to make new choices. Awareness is such a powerful thing. It allows  the hidden answers to come to light, not to make us feel shame or judge ourselves, but to give us the space for newness of life.

I knew that my life was meant to be more than this roller coaster ride.  Somehow, I knew there had to be a better way. I wanted it to be better. And it did get better.

Once the blind spots were revealed by an wonderful mentor/coach, I was able to identify the source of my sabotaging beliefs and thought system. I had my breakthrough. I also learned new ways of being and new ways of showing up in life. All because I was able to grasp hold to the truth of who I was. I didn’t have a behavior issue…I had an identity issue.

I learned that I was loved and lovable merely because I existed. There was nothing to fix, heal, or correct. I was not broken,  I was already perfect and I was already enough. I was the only one who needed to realize this. Once I learned how to align myself with who I really was and who I was born to be, my life transformed on so many levels.

In my transformed life, I now recognize that I am a magnificent, fabulous divine expression of pure, unconditional love. I am created this way…God did that! And who am I to disagree with God?  The wonderful thing about this realization, is that I also understand that YOU TOO have been given this same meaningful life.  Not only do I accept myself, I also accept everyone else. This is  where the real magic happens for all of us.  

Once we realize that we are all created from the same Source…”LOVE” and that we are all made of the same Source, “LOVE”…the magic begins. We are all connected to the same Source and we are all here for the same function…to love and be loved. I cannot hate you…because hate doesn’t exist in love. I can only love you and show up in that manner. That what love does. It’ cracks your heart wide open to give and receive love.

I am no longer a performance based person. My worth is no longer based on what I do, but in WHO I am. Whew, what a huge relief! I no longer worry about pleasing others.  I understand that love is the answer to every question and it is the antidote to fear. That being said…love is always more than enough. That makes me enough as well.  And so it is with all of us. 

Will The Real Woman Please Stand Up!

I want to talk to real women today. Women who understand hot-flashes, cottage cheese thighs, running out of tampons, extra support bras and bad hair days.  As you know, we don't all wake up in the morning looking like we just stepped out of a magazine. Some of us wake up looking like we are wearing a magazine.

While this maybe comical, it is true. It's important that you stop comparing yourself to others, to who you think look better, dress better and appear to have more than you do. And surely don't compare yourself to hollywood's celebrities that are seen on television and in the magazines. Lots of money is spent for them to look that way. Stop measuring your worth and value by whether your thighs are firm or flabby.  

If you had only one day to live, would you worry about your flabby thighs or would you want to spend that day loving your family and doing some heartfelt activity? 

Your worth and value are always based on who God says you are. It doesn't matter if you wear a size 2 or a size 24, you are still beautiful and remarkable. 

Yes, we should practice good self care by exercising and feeding our bodies the proper foods. Yes, being healthy should be a priority for  us.  Of course, we want to dress well and make a statement to the world that we have some self pride in our appearance.

But it's really what's going on inside of us that needs much more of our attention. Is there someone you need to forgive? Is there some bad attitude you need to adjust? When we focus more on what's happening within our hearts and make the necessary shifts, real beauty is then revealed.  

Living from within your heart says that are beautiful today and that makes you a "Real Woman!"

Are You a High Maintenance Woman?

I am certain that you’ve heard the term“High Maintenance Woman.”  In most cases it has been talked about in some very negative terms. Most women who are viewed as high maintenance have been frowned upon and made to appear  vain, selfish and self centered.

But I have a different opinion on this issue. I believe the most fascinating women are high maintenance. Think about this for a moment. The most beautiful homes, the most expensive cars are all high maintenance. The BEST things in life are high maintenance. Therefore, I believe it’s okay for you to be considered “high maintenance” as well.

But not in some vain kind of way. When you understand your value and your worth, you will recognize that you deserve to give yourself the needed time, effort and attention to grow and blossom. You are worth the effort.

Often times as women, we put ourselves last and on the back burner. Everyone else receives our attention and time, except us. We are  last to eat dinner, we are last to go to bed at night, we are the last to spend any extra money on ourselves.  

When we organize our lives around everyone one else, we are saying to the Universe that we are NOT worth the effort. That we are not as valuable as everyone else.  In return, this mindset shows up in our  lives as our experiences.

But as we return to our hearts and begin to hold a space  for  true self love, forgiveness and non-judgement, we will start to give ourselves the attention we deserve. When you value something, you attend to it. 

If you had an expensive dress, would throw that dress in the washer? Absolutely not! You would carefully take it to the best cleaners in town to have it cleaned. Why? Because that dress has value to you and it is a high maintenance garment. It requires extra attention, time and effort. And so it is with you.

You are valuable and you are worth the effort, time and attention. Attending to your health, your personal, spiritual expansion and growth is your highest priority.  How many times have you said no to a workshop, program, product or event that you so desperately wanted for yourself? And when you used the funds on for something else or on someone else, such as children, husband, friends, how did it really make you feel deep within? Somewhere in your heart and in your body, you felt that you had cheated yourself. This is  not the action of a woman who knows her own worth and knows her value.

I want to encourage you to commit to putting yourself first by attending to the thing that matter to you the most…YOU!  Taking care of yourself first, loving yourself first, giving to yourself first is the greatest gift you can give to your loved ones. So the next time someone ask if you are high maintenance, you answer with a  resounding “YES I AM!”  I am worth the effort!

Share below  what you are going to do today to start your high maintenance journey. 

Are You Ready to Deal With It?

On the topic of Fatherless Daughters, Dr. Richard Horowitz says it like this, ―"It leaves a hole in their soul that is extremely difficult to fill, and they carry this father hunger into adulthood until it's dealt with."

Have you truly dealt with your fatherless daughter's issues? For years, I didn't realize  I even had any issues with my father being absent from my life. I was ambitious, driven, successful and didn't think I had any ill feelings towards my father. My father had many problems of his own, including being diagnosed as schizophrenia and paranoid.

When I did find my biological father, I was married with one child. He had been institutionalized for many years by then and the man that I finally met, was sick. To say the least, there was not much of a relationship that we were able to form. I simply couldn't connect with a man who was not there mentally. His family was very protective of him and they assumed that I had showed up because I wanted money or something. But little did they know that I merely wanted a dad.

Over the years, I have met numerous of women with fatherless daughter stories. I've also met women who were not even aware that the fatherless daughter's syndrome was playing out in the lives they were currently experiencing.  I literally can talk to a women for approximately five minutes and know that she is a fatherless daughter because the symptoms speak loudly and clearly. 

One thing for sure, the patterns are the same and they don't lie. As Dr. Horowitz said, we will continue to carry this hole in our souls until we deal with it. Studies have proven that a girl who grows up with an absent, unavailable or unattached father, will be impacted on many levels once she reaches adulthood.  Your father's love patterns, whether good or bad, are having a huge impact on your life today. 

Many women are deceived into believing that because they are coping, they have broken through. But coping does not equate to victory. Your life can and will be significantly better, and more liberating when you finally deal with was lies beneath.

Are you a fatherless daughter? It's time that you deal with it!!

Are You In The Game?

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”― Theodore Roosevelt

I heard this quote Sunday on Super Soul Sunday (OWN)…and I did the happy dance! This is to all of you women who are out there trying to do your best to fulfill your purpose and are coming under fire from those who ridicule, accuse, criticize, blame or bully you. While you may not always get it right or do it perfectly, at least you are in the game. So D.T.I.P. (Don’t Take It Personally) when your critics start running their mouths!!

Oh by the way..Oprah’s guest said “If you’re not in the arena getting your butt kicked, I’m not interested in your feedback.“…OMG! I agree totally with that statement and I just love it! 

It doesn’t matter how evolved you are, there are times when you are wrongly accused and blamed by others, especially those you’ve tried to help, that it doesn’t feel good deep within. What your accusers don’t know is that it takes a lot of courage and a whole lot of moxy to not to just get in the game, but to stay in the game. 

Each time you submit a blog, stand in front of a crowd to speak or sing, release a new a book,  coach or serve a client, create a new product, launch a new program, you run the risk of being ridiculed, bullied, blamed, and even mocked. And yet, you still remain in the game. Why? Because it’s who you are and it’s because you are passionate about what you do.  And the real reason? Because you care and you do give a darn!

It’s not about the money…and it never has been. If it was about the money, I am sure you can find easy ways to earn money. It’s because you have an unquencheable fire in your belly to do what you do. It’s because you know somewhere deep inside you that this is what you were born to do. That’s why you endure the naysayers. This is why you stay the course when others speak ill of you and try to say how you could be doing it better. And of course you know you could be doing it better. We call can do it better and one day we all will. But until now, we will do what we can and that is enough because at least we are in the game.

Beautiful woman, hold you head of up high, square your shoulders back and swing those curvy hips just a little bit more. So what you don’t have degrees behind your name?  So what you have not had as much training and skill as the other woman? So what your website is not as extravagant and your business cards are plain? Stop comparing, because your heart is as big as the sky and you are on fire! People will travel miles to watch you burn!! And at least you are in the game…so just keep playing!!

If you happen to be one of the critics who tend to put others down for not doing as great of a job as you feel they should, stop it right now. Atone for it. Don’t blame yourself, just be aware of this behavior and change it. Ask for where you maybe able to offer help and then get in the game and be willing to take the risks and the hits in order to make a difference. That’s what real leaders do. Because at the end of the day, we all want the same thing. A world filled with love, joy, unity, abundance and peace! And it’s our job to make sure it happens. Isn’t it?

It's Inevitable!

Change is inevitable, growth is intentional.”–Glenda Cloud

Women are starting to notice somethings about their lives. They are beginning to pay attention to what’s showing up in their lives, to who’s showing up and why.

I truly believe this awakening among us is happening because we are starting to believe that somewhere within each of us is a powerful, magnificent, fabulous creative being that’s capable of so much more than we’ve allowed ourselves to experience. We are coming to know that we do have the power to change our lives and we now have the intense desire to go along with it.

Before now, we have been deceived into believing that we couldn’t have it all. We couldn’t be loving wives, wonderful mothers and a successful career women all at the same time. We’ve somehow held the belief that something would have to suffer if we attempted it all and for many women something did suffer. Or shall I say someone? And that someone was us.

In our pursuit to be the “I’m Every Woman”, we’ve forgotten about ourselves…until now. After experiencing feelings of isolation, loneliness, a sense of loss, feeling invisible and even feelings of being used…used up until empty, we are now declaring our truths.

We are ready to rewrite our scripts and this time on our own terms with intention, truth, purpose, clarity and love. Love for ourselves first because we now recognize that we start solving our problems when we start loving ourselves.  

We’re taking risks that we would have never taken before. We are joining tribes and communities of other like minded women, when in past times we allowed ourselves to be isolated and disconnected. 

We are moving in the directions of our passions and our dreams. Doing what expands us, what inspires us and what liberates us and makes our hearts leap with joy! 

Can you feel this movement taking place among us women? We’re becoming more engaged in our communities because we realize that we are the ones who will save them. We understand the power we have when we stand together, when we collaborate, when we hold each other up, when we cooperate instead of compete and when we include instead of exclude. I love what’s happening among women. I am excited and I am thrilled! 

Yet, I also know there are many of our sisters out there feeling this yearning, but have not taken the first step.  They can’t seem to find the courage to move forward. And much of this is because they are still afraid and they don’t know how…they simply don’t know where to begin.

They want to so badly to move from where they are and they want so badly to experience something different in their lives. For many, they just don’t know what that “something” is. They haven’t been able to dream for a long time. Yet, these women are ready once and for all to release what’s holding them back and to welcome fulfilling and meaningful experiences into their lives.

If this is you my dear sister, here’s what I would say to you…It’s YOUR TIME!! So jump…take the leap…and grow your wings on the way. 

George Shinn said, “Growth means change and change involves risk, stepping from the known to the unknown.”

You’ve got to be willing take some risk and do something new. Something like reach out and get a mentor/coach, someone you trust and is skilled enough to show you the way. Someone who will see you can you can be and someone who believe in you when you can’t believe in yourself.  I want to be that person for you. The one who will stand with you and for you when you can’t stand for yourself. Connect with me today.

The next step is to get engage in a tribe or community of women who are moving in the same direction. When you are engaged in such a community, it opens and expands you to what’s possible for your life. It offers you a safe space to simply be. The Love Story Women Circle is that such place. My diamond members will hold your hand, walk the path with you and help you to be all that you can be…

Remember, if you play it safe in life, you’ve decided that you don’t want to grow any more. That’s not who or where you are today. 

If you’re ready and open to change and discovering your authentic self, do something TODAY that reinforces this intention. Then get ready to experience new levels of awareness and insights to what’s possible for you and your life. Your life can be as you’ve dreamed it could be…it’s inevitable!