What Were Your Daddy's Love Patterns?

On the topic of fatherless daughters...perhaps your dad was there...but what were his love patterns?...those patterns can have an impact on girl's life when she reaches adulthood...

These are the 5 Daddy Archetypes found in my program:

Disapproving Dad...there's nothing you could ever do to get his full approval. He always required more from you...he sets the bar high...but doesn't take the time to notice "you" instead of your accomplishments...or perhaps he wanted a boy instead...and it shows...

Impact on Daughter-- this keeps you always seeking approval and never feeling good enough...always trying to be better...you become uptight, overly ambitious and competitive.

Disabled Dad...mental/physical illness, drugs/alcohol, abusive, anger...these things will prevent him from creating a closeness with his daughter...or maybe he's a passive father...doesn't get involved...let's mom handle everything.

Impact on Daughter--this creates a lot of anger in you because of your disappointment...keeps you in a space of shame, insecurity, hiding and distrust...very difficult for you to create close intimate relationships...you even try to become someone you are not...because of the insecurity and shame...you have no real sense of identity.

Dictator Father...it's like living with a military drill sergeant, a whole lot of rules..but no real relationships...religion legalism and tight boundaries...feels like no oxygen in the home...

Impact on Daughter--you grow up to become distant and resentful. You will often times be perceived as cold, unfeeling, angry and focused only on the task at hand instead of people... disconnected from your heart space.

Distant Father...physically or emotionally...unattached and not able to form close bond with daughter...works all the time...can be in the room with you and even involved in activities...but not emotionally connected to anyone...because his focused is always on something else...or he's simply disconnected.

Impact on Daughter--you feel invisible and unworthy...you may try hard to get attention from men...even giving of yourself in ways that do not serve you because you want to be seen and validated.

Doting Father...shows excessive fondness and love for his daughter. She can do no wrong and he's always giving her money and buying her things. She has become more of trophy, something he can show off...yet he really does love her. Through his spoiling her, he has missed some valuable things...such as life lessons of consideration of others, kindness, compassion for others and generosity. He gets the love part, but missed the parent piece in the relationship.

Impact on Daughter--you begin to think that all relationships are this way. You translate gifts and letting you have your way as real love. You become selfish, self centered, spoiled, needy and incapable of seeing the other's person's needs and point of view. You become a taker in the relationship and this leads to you playing the victim in most cases. 

Fathers be sure to check your love patterns when it come to your daughters...

But the good news...it doesn't have to remain this way.....you can learn new patterns and new ways of being with your daughter that will validate her very existence! 

Oprah Winfrey Takes The Issue of Fatherless Daughters Global and Angela Wants to Continue The Conversation

Much has been written and spoken on the subject of boys growing up without their fathers and the negative impact this missing key element has on their lives as they reach adulthood. We’ve read numerous studies that offer alarming statistics of our prisons being filled with men who grew up without their fathers. There are numerous of programs, discussions and books on this alarming topic of fatherless sons.

Yet, little has been brought to the forefront of our attention when it comes to fatherless daughters. Until now!! On July 14th and July 21st, Oprah Winfrey and Iyanla Vanzant will host a 2-Part Life Class on the OWN Network entitled, “Daddyless Daughters.” The effects on a girl’s life who grows up with an unavailable, unattached or absent father can be catastrophic.

An adult woman who did not have the validation, love and support of an attentive and loving father will experience many devastating issues in life from relationships problems, money issues, career and health problems. As The Love Lifestyle Coach and author of “I’m Not That Woman…A Fatherless Daughter’s Journey to Being,” I have been speaking and coaching fatherless daughters for years through my Fatherless Daughters Breakthrough Program.

I am delighted that the OWN Network is bringing this topic onto a global platform and I had a chance to view the taping of the shows via online. We cannot solve these issues in two television shows, but now we can get the conversation started.

That’s why I am hosting a series of online and live events, starting with a FREE live event,“Fatherless Daughters Shares Their Heart Secrets…The Conversation Continues” on Tuesday, July 23rd, 7PM at The Comfort Suites Hotel, 1540 Daulton Drive, Columbia, SC. To attend this event RSVP Here…

Why They Said I Would Fail

I remember a few years ago, I was at a women’s business conference hosted my one of my coaches. When she introduced me, she said “Angela has a SOFT Niche.” What she was basically saying is that I didnt’ talk a lot about making money, getting clients, marketing or all of the stuff that your inbox gets saturated with.

I was merely teaching women how to actualize the power of self love to create success in their lives. I was doing this when “selling self love” was not popular. Fast forward to now, everyone is talking about self love, universal love, inspiration, expansion and all the “woo woo” stuff I was accused of teaching.  It’s popular because collectively, we’ve come to realize that nothing permanent can happen outside of ourselves until it happens within us.  And that love is the answer to every single question in life.

Everywhere you look business coaches are now starting to realize that this “woo woo” stuff works…that spirituality and love are the keys to unlocking real success in  your life and business. I had a coach tell me that what I was offering wasn’t tangible enough. That if I didn’t change it, I would fail. She was obviously the wrong coach for me and she was wrong period. I have literally share with thousands the principles of The Love Lifestyle Coaching System and many of them have had incredible success stories.

That’s why you need a coach who has her finger on the pulse of what’s happening long before the masses get it.  Because by the time the masses gets hold to it, you will be left behind. You want to pioneer a movement, not come in on the tail in. You need a leader who has insight and understand the times in which we now live. It’s time to stop jumping on the band wagon of the next new fad or following the masses because you will get left behind.  

When we find ourselves at a crossroad or in a crisis, to move forward, the challenge is the let go of an outmoded attitude, or idea or perception. Individually or collectively,  a shift has to take place, a tipping point is reached, then the phenomenon of “There’s nothing so powerful as an idea whose time has come, kicks in.

The time has come for LOVE to kick in. The time has come to know that everything is spiritual. Even money!  I knew it years ago when others said that I would fail if I kept trying to coach women on love…that I needed to coach them on making money.  But how could you teach money without love? The two are tied together, because how we do love is how we do money! Ha ha, the masses finally got what we always knew! I love it!

Remember, live authentically, laugh everyday and embrace love as a lifestyle. Because success in life really does begin with love!

Leave your comment below, we love to hear from you.

Why I Was Not Happy With Oprah and Iyanla

A couple months ago, Oprah Winfrey and Iyanla Vanzant did a show on fatherless sons. It was powerful and it alarmed the world of this epidemic. As I watched, I said to myself, "what about the fatherless daughters of the world." I guess she heard me...lol! Well, not really. She heard from many women, who wrote in and asked the same question. Therefore, they decided to do something on fatherless daughters as well. They are calling it "Daddyless Girls." For some reason, Ms. Vanzant seems to think there is a difference between fatherless daughters and daddyless girls. 

Not to discredit my sister, whom I have the highest love and respect for, I don't believe there is a difference. The show "Daddyless Girls" will air soon on the OWN network, so please check your local listing for dates/times. 

I watched the taping of these two shows online which will air on OWN later. It was very interesting. They did a segment on the fatherless sons first,  as a follow up. Which I loved. But when they got to the "Daddyless Girls", I was not as happy. I felt they were a little too playful with the topic. Because of the work I do, I've seen so much suffering and I too have experienced the suffering...therefore this topic is no laughing matter. 

I felt that they focused on just one type of fatherless daughter, the promiscuous one. Yes, many women who were fatherless will become promiscuous. Studies have proven this as a fact. They will make a lot of wrong choices in relationships because of their daddy wounds. But not all of us, and there are so many other variables to the saga of the fatherless daughters. 

You maybe reading this and wondering how does this effect your life? This topic effects all of us because we are trying to form friendships, business partnerships and alliances with women who were fatherless growing up. Please understand that a fatherless daughters is a woman who grew up with an absent, unavailable or unattached father. She is not just a girl whose father was not around. I have discovered that 80% of adult women are experiencing the fatherless daughter syndrome and this one key missing element is having a negative impact on their lives. ...even with daddy in the home. But what impacts one woman, impacts us all. 

This fatherless daughter issue is huge. It's causing women to suffer on many levels of their lives. Not just with relationships with men and promiscuity, but also in how we raise our children, how we behave on our jobs, how we interact with others, our relationship with money and how we see ourselves and view the world as a whole.

I am so excited that Oprah has started this conversation. I have been studying, writing, speaking and teaching on fatherless daughters for years. So it delights me to know that a conversation has started on a much larger and global level. But there must be more than simply talking. We must find solutions to a growing issue among us that is causing so many women's lives to suffer. We may not make the 6 o'clock news, but we are out here and we are many. When our women suffer, so does our world. 

While we are having this conversation, let's also find ways to heal. Over the years, I have helped hundreds of fatherless daughters to heal and move their lives forward through my breakthrough program.

I will tell you that to date: my "Fatherless Daughter Breakthrough Coaching Program" is the ONLY one of its kind that exists today. While I am delighted to know that I have the only existing coaching program specifically designed to help us breakthrough our daddy's wounds, I am also shocked to know that more people have not stepped up to do more. That is why I am going to be offering a certification to those women who would love to teach and coach The Fatherless Daughter's Breakthrough Program. You will be certified to help so many women through this program. 

As I continued to watch Oprah's taping of the show, I was able to identify why she and Iyanla were not as in depth and laughed a lot during the discussion on this topic...they too are fatherless daughters. Oprah's dad was unattached and Iyanla's was unavailable...according to their stories. They would have had to dig into their pain and reveal it on the show in order to really teach how to heal. And trust me when I say that daddy wounds are deep and painful wounds. But it's when we show our wounds, acknowledge they exist, that we can really begin to heal them.

Again, I salute and love dearly these two women for having the conversation. Now we must start the movement towards healing. If you want to become a certified facilitator of The Fatherless Daughter Breakthrough System, or you simply want to heal your own daddy wounds, I want to invite you to join me on for my upcoming Fatherless Daughter Breakthrough Coaching Program. This program is also a pre-requisite for those who want to become a certified facilitator. I am offering this program at a huge savings, so you'd better hurry and register. I have limited seats available. 

"Fatherless Daughters Group Coaching Program", starting on July 8th. 

I Didn't Want You Upset With Me

As women we tend to base our  self worth and value on what we do instead of who we are. I know first hand this to be true. I use to be a pleaser. If I thought someone was upset with me, I would do something really nice for them or I would call them on the phone to talk, just to see if I could tell from their voice if they were upset with me. I always worried whether I did enough of the right things or if I said something the wrong way to cause someone not to like me. I would feel the tension in my stomach rise in a panic, but once I discovered that everything was okay or that I did enough to earn their approval once more, I would feel the tension ease.

I know this sounds crazy coming from The Love Lifestyle Coach, but for years this was how I lived my life. Trying to be everything to everyone and never wanting to disappoint anyone. What a roller coaster ride my life had become? Always trying to gauge the situation to be sure that I did all the right things, that I did nothing wrong or ruffled anyone’s feathers. My belief was, “if I am perfect, they will love me and not leave me.” I needed everyone to like me, to be nice to me, to accept me and more importantly– to love me.   

As I began to grow, expand and seek the help of mentors who could show me the source of my insecurities, I was able to make new choices. Awareness is such a powerful thing. It allows  the hidden answers to come to light, not to make us feel shame or judge ourselves, but to give us the space for newness of life.

I knew that my life was meant to be more than this roller coaster ride.  Somehow, I knew there had to be a better way. I wanted it to be better. And it did get better.

Once the blind spots were revealed by an wonderful mentor/coach, I was able to identify the source of my sabotaging beliefs and thought system. I had my breakthrough. I also learned new ways of being and new ways of showing up in life. All because I was able to grasp hold to the truth of who I was. I didn’t have a behavior issue…I had an identity issue.

I learned that I was loved and lovable merely because I existed. There was nothing to fix, heal, or correct. I was not broken,  I was already perfect and I was already enough. I was the only one who needed to realize this. Once I learned how to align myself with who I really was and who I was born to be, my life transformed on so many levels.

In my transformed life, I now recognize that I am a magnificent, fabulous divine expression of pure, unconditional love. I am created this way…God did that! And who am I to disagree with God?  The wonderful thing about this realization, is that I also understand that YOU TOO have been given this same meaningful life.  Not only do I accept myself, I also accept everyone else. This is  where the real magic happens for all of us.  

Once we realize that we are all created from the same Source…”LOVE” and that we are all made of the same Source, “LOVE”…the magic begins. We are all connected to the same Source and we are all here for the same function…to love and be loved. I cannot hate you…because hate doesn’t exist in love. I can only love you and show up in that manner. That what love does. It’ cracks your heart wide open to give and receive love.

I am no longer a performance based person. My worth is no longer based on what I do, but in WHO I am. Whew, what a huge relief! I no longer worry about pleasing others.  I understand that love is the answer to every question and it is the antidote to fear. That being said…love is always more than enough. That makes me enough as well.  And so it is with all of us. 

Will The Real Woman Please Stand Up!

I want to talk to real women today. Women who understand hot-flashes, cottage cheese thighs, running out of tampons, extra support bras and bad hair days.  As you know, we don't all wake up in the morning looking like we just stepped out of a magazine. Some of us wake up looking like we are wearing a magazine.

While this maybe comical, it is true. It's important that you stop comparing yourself to others, to who you think look better, dress better and appear to have more than you do. And surely don't compare yourself to hollywood's celebrities that are seen on television and in the magazines. Lots of money is spent for them to look that way. Stop measuring your worth and value by whether your thighs are firm or flabby.  

If you had only one day to live, would you worry about your flabby thighs or would you want to spend that day loving your family and doing some heartfelt activity? 

Your worth and value are always based on who God says you are. It doesn't matter if you wear a size 2 or a size 24, you are still beautiful and remarkable. 

Yes, we should practice good self care by exercising and feeding our bodies the proper foods. Yes, being healthy should be a priority for  us.  Of course, we want to dress well and make a statement to the world that we have some self pride in our appearance.

But it's really what's going on inside of us that needs much more of our attention. Is there someone you need to forgive? Is there some bad attitude you need to adjust? When we focus more on what's happening within our hearts and make the necessary shifts, real beauty is then revealed.  

Living from within your heart says that are beautiful today and that makes you a "Real Woman!"

Are You a High Maintenance Woman?

I am certain that you’ve heard the term“High Maintenance Woman.”  In most cases it has been talked about in some very negative terms. Most women who are viewed as high maintenance have been frowned upon and made to appear  vain, selfish and self centered.

But I have a different opinion on this issue. I believe the most fascinating women are high maintenance. Think about this for a moment. The most beautiful homes, the most expensive cars are all high maintenance. The BEST things in life are high maintenance. Therefore, I believe it’s okay for you to be considered “high maintenance” as well.

But not in some vain kind of way. When you understand your value and your worth, you will recognize that you deserve to give yourself the needed time, effort and attention to grow and blossom. You are worth the effort.

Often times as women, we put ourselves last and on the back burner. Everyone else receives our attention and time, except us. We are  last to eat dinner, we are last to go to bed at night, we are the last to spend any extra money on ourselves.  

When we organize our lives around everyone one else, we are saying to the Universe that we are NOT worth the effort. That we are not as valuable as everyone else.  In return, this mindset shows up in our  lives as our experiences.

But as we return to our hearts and begin to hold a space  for  true self love, forgiveness and non-judgement, we will start to give ourselves the attention we deserve. When you value something, you attend to it. 

If you had an expensive dress, would throw that dress in the washer? Absolutely not! You would carefully take it to the best cleaners in town to have it cleaned. Why? Because that dress has value to you and it is a high maintenance garment. It requires extra attention, time and effort. And so it is with you.

You are valuable and you are worth the effort, time and attention. Attending to your health, your personal, spiritual expansion and growth is your highest priority.  How many times have you said no to a workshop, program, product or event that you so desperately wanted for yourself? And when you used the funds on for something else or on someone else, such as children, husband, friends, how did it really make you feel deep within? Somewhere in your heart and in your body, you felt that you had cheated yourself. This is  not the action of a woman who knows her own worth and knows her value.

I want to encourage you to commit to putting yourself first by attending to the thing that matter to you the most…YOU!  Taking care of yourself first, loving yourself first, giving to yourself first is the greatest gift you can give to your loved ones. So the next time someone ask if you are high maintenance, you answer with a  resounding “YES I AM!”  I am worth the effort!

Share below  what you are going to do today to start your high maintenance journey.