Why I Was Not Happy With Oprah and Iyanla

A couple months ago, Oprah Winfrey and Iyanla Vanzant did a show on fatherless sons. It was powerful and it alarmed the world of this epidemic. As I watched, I said to myself, "what about the fatherless daughters of the world." I guess she heard me...lol! Well, not really. She heard from many women, who wrote in and asked the same question. Therefore, they decided to do something on fatherless daughters as well. They are calling it "Daddyless Girls." For some reason, Ms. Vanzant seems to think there is a difference between fatherless daughters and daddyless girls. 

Not to discredit my sister, whom I have the highest love and respect for, I don't believe there is a difference. The show "Daddyless Girls" will air soon on the OWN network, so please check your local listing for dates/times. 

I watched the taping of these two shows online which will air on OWN later. It was very interesting. They did a segment on the fatherless sons first,  as a follow up. Which I loved. But when they got to the "Daddyless Girls", I was not as happy. I felt they were a little too playful with the topic. Because of the work I do, I've seen so much suffering and I too have experienced the suffering...therefore this topic is no laughing matter. 

I felt that they focused on just one type of fatherless daughter, the promiscuous one. Yes, many women who were fatherless will become promiscuous. Studies have proven this as a fact. They will make a lot of wrong choices in relationships because of their daddy wounds. But not all of us, and there are so many other variables to the saga of the fatherless daughters. 

You maybe reading this and wondering how does this effect your life? This topic effects all of us because we are trying to form friendships, business partnerships and alliances with women who were fatherless growing up. Please understand that a fatherless daughters is a woman who grew up with an absent, unavailable or unattached father. She is not just a girl whose father was not around. I have discovered that 80% of adult women are experiencing the fatherless daughter syndrome and this one key missing element is having a negative impact on their lives. ...even with daddy in the home. But what impacts one woman, impacts us all. 

This fatherless daughter issue is huge. It's causing women to suffer on many levels of their lives. Not just with relationships with men and promiscuity, but also in how we raise our children, how we behave on our jobs, how we interact with others, our relationship with money and how we see ourselves and view the world as a whole.

I am so excited that Oprah has started this conversation. I have been studying, writing, speaking and teaching on fatherless daughters for years. So it delights me to know that a conversation has started on a much larger and global level. But there must be more than simply talking. We must find solutions to a growing issue among us that is causing so many women's lives to suffer. We may not make the 6 o'clock news, but we are out here and we are many. When our women suffer, so does our world. 

While we are having this conversation, let's also find ways to heal. Over the years, I have helped hundreds of fatherless daughters to heal and move their lives forward through my breakthrough program.

I will tell you that to date: my "Fatherless Daughter Breakthrough Coaching Program" is the ONLY one of its kind that exists today. While I am delighted to know that I have the only existing coaching program specifically designed to help us breakthrough our daddy's wounds, I am also shocked to know that more people have not stepped up to do more. That is why I am going to be offering a certification to those women who would love to teach and coach The Fatherless Daughter's Breakthrough Program. You will be certified to help so many women through this program. 

As I continued to watch Oprah's taping of the show, I was able to identify why she and Iyanla were not as in depth and laughed a lot during the discussion on this topic...they too are fatherless daughters. Oprah's dad was unattached and Iyanla's was unavailable...according to their stories. They would have had to dig into their pain and reveal it on the show in order to really teach how to heal. And trust me when I say that daddy wounds are deep and painful wounds. But it's when we show our wounds, acknowledge they exist, that we can really begin to heal them.

Again, I salute and love dearly these two women for having the conversation. Now we must start the movement towards healing. If you want to become a certified facilitator of The Fatherless Daughter Breakthrough System, or you simply want to heal your own daddy wounds, I want to invite you to join me on for my upcoming Fatherless Daughter Breakthrough Coaching Program. This program is also a pre-requisite for those who want to become a certified facilitator. I am offering this program at a huge savings, so you'd better hurry and register. I have limited seats available. 

"Fatherless Daughters Group Coaching Program", starting on July 8th. 

I Didn't Want You Upset With Me

As women we tend to base our  self worth and value on what we do instead of who we are. I know first hand this to be true. I use to be a pleaser. If I thought someone was upset with me, I would do something really nice for them or I would call them on the phone to talk, just to see if I could tell from their voice if they were upset with me. I always worried whether I did enough of the right things or if I said something the wrong way to cause someone not to like me. I would feel the tension in my stomach rise in a panic, but once I discovered that everything was okay or that I did enough to earn their approval once more, I would feel the tension ease.

I know this sounds crazy coming from The Love Lifestyle Coach, but for years this was how I lived my life. Trying to be everything to everyone and never wanting to disappoint anyone. What a roller coaster ride my life had become? Always trying to gauge the situation to be sure that I did all the right things, that I did nothing wrong or ruffled anyone’s feathers. My belief was, “if I am perfect, they will love me and not leave me.” I needed everyone to like me, to be nice to me, to accept me and more importantly– to love me.   

As I began to grow, expand and seek the help of mentors who could show me the source of my insecurities, I was able to make new choices. Awareness is such a powerful thing. It allows  the hidden answers to come to light, not to make us feel shame or judge ourselves, but to give us the space for newness of life.

I knew that my life was meant to be more than this roller coaster ride.  Somehow, I knew there had to be a better way. I wanted it to be better. And it did get better.

Once the blind spots were revealed by an wonderful mentor/coach, I was able to identify the source of my sabotaging beliefs and thought system. I had my breakthrough. I also learned new ways of being and new ways of showing up in life. All because I was able to grasp hold to the truth of who I was. I didn’t have a behavior issue…I had an identity issue.

I learned that I was loved and lovable merely because I existed. There was nothing to fix, heal, or correct. I was not broken,  I was already perfect and I was already enough. I was the only one who needed to realize this. Once I learned how to align myself with who I really was and who I was born to be, my life transformed on so many levels.

In my transformed life, I now recognize that I am a magnificent, fabulous divine expression of pure, unconditional love. I am created this way…God did that! And who am I to disagree with God?  The wonderful thing about this realization, is that I also understand that YOU TOO have been given this same meaningful life.  Not only do I accept myself, I also accept everyone else. This is  where the real magic happens for all of us.  

Once we realize that we are all created from the same Source…”LOVE” and that we are all made of the same Source, “LOVE”…the magic begins. We are all connected to the same Source and we are all here for the same function…to love and be loved. I cannot hate you…because hate doesn’t exist in love. I can only love you and show up in that manner. That what love does. It’ cracks your heart wide open to give and receive love.

I am no longer a performance based person. My worth is no longer based on what I do, but in WHO I am. Whew, what a huge relief! I no longer worry about pleasing others.  I understand that love is the answer to every question and it is the antidote to fear. That being said…love is always more than enough. That makes me enough as well.  And so it is with all of us.