I Pray You Will

It never ceases to amaze me the number of women who are willing to settle for things in life that they don't want, like or desire. There's something within us that causes us to simply give up on what's most important to us. And for many women, they don't even know what's really important anymore.

They spend much of their time making sure that other's are getting their needs, dreams and desires fulfilled. Oh, how I know this feeling all too well. There were times in my life when I wanted to choose my desires, but I felt it was more important that I did what was expected and required of me instead of what was true for me. I became tired and resentful. Not openly, because I would have never wanted to seen as being that kind of woman. But inwardly, I could sense a tightness in my core, my headaches increased and I was constantly tired. 

Repressed feelings and emotions will manifest in our bodies. When speaking to thousands of women through the work that I do, I have discovered that my story is not unique. I have found that many women find themselves ignoring the dreams and desires they hold dear in their hearts. They keep telling themselves perhaps one day when the kids are grown; one day when I get the money; or one day when I lose the extra pounds.

But I want to encourage you to make your "one day" today! I have a friend Bonita Clemons who has a new book coming out soon entitled "Don't Wait til Monday." People love to wait until Monday to start that new diet, to begin organizing their space, to start that exercise program or to make that important telephone call. We put off things until Monday. Bonita shares how she was trying to contact a dying friend's brother so he could say goodbye to his sister on the telephone. When she reached someone who could get him on the phone, they asked that Bonita call back on Monday. She told the person that she didn't have until Monday. So they put the brother on the phone and he was able to speak to his dying sister. Once she heard her brother's voice, hours later she died. 

How long will you continue to wait on your dreams? How long will you wait until your relationship heal? You know that the two of you no longer talk "to" each other, but you talk "past" each other. When will you start the path to healing the relationship?

How long will you wait to launch that business, that dream, that idea? Will you wait until someone else launches a similar idea and then get angry because you believe they stole your idea?

What if I told you that you deserve to live the life of your dreams and that you have the power within you to make it happen? What if you could do it now regardless of your current situation or circumstances? Would you say yes? Will you give yourself permission to go after what you truly want today? I pray that you will.

Sick, Betrayed and Broken

 I woke up feeling like I was in a daze. Had it all been a dream or was it really real? Did my husband really confess to cheating on me multiple times with several different women or was it all a dream?

When I gathered my thoughts and began to feel that pain in my belly, I remembered that it was true and it wasn’t a dream. Yes, when I confronted him the day before with what I saw, he had no choice but to admit the truth. It was a normal day, and I had put all of the kids down for a nap. My sons were 2 and 4 years of age and my daughter was 4 weeks old. I finally had a chance to take a long relaxing shower.  And that’s when it all happened.

It was in the shower that I had another open vision. I now understand this gift that I have, but for years, I didn’t. There are times when I least expect it, that pictures of things, people or places will just flash before me as if I am looking at a movie. I can see things and know them. I have now learned to appreciate and embrace this gift…this knowing.  Well on that particular day, as I was taking my shower, I saw my husband with another woman. I could see her face, how she looked and what they were doing. I had never seen this woman before. I was stunned and I asked God, what should I do with this information? I heard in my spirit to just pray. I did pray, but I also confronted my husband when he came home from work.

As I shared with him what I saw and I described the details of what happened, and  how the woman looked…his face appeared as if he had just saw  a ghost. He was so fearful, until he broke down and confessed every single infidelity. I was crushed. So crushed until I immediately rushed to bathroom and vomited all evening and I cried myself to sleep.

 The next morning, after realizing it wasn’t a dream, I had to decide what to do. I couldn’t tell anyone, and I didn’t know if I wanted to leave him. Where was I going with 3 small babies, no money and no self esteem or self worth? So, I kept it all to myself and pretended everything was well. I had learned over the years to wear the mask of pretence.

 Over the next few weeks, I began to  feel sick in my body. So I went to the doctor and they ran a series of test on me. The final diagnosis was that I had Lupus. Now I am sick. Not only was I sick, but we were also financially broke. I couldn’t run my business and bring in any money, and my husband was spending all of his as he made it, trying to impress folks. I had reached a place of deep ,dark,  despair. But this was a place where only a Loving God could help me. And He did.

I spent the next few weeks totally emerged in prayer and  meditation. Reading everything that I could on the power of God to heal and restore. I was consumed with this task. I had a choice. I could pack up my kids and move back home with my parents, or I could allow God to transform this situation for me. I chose the latter. While I don’t encourage anyone to stay in a relationship that is filled with dishonesty or pain, I made a decision at that moment to remain because there was something bigger going on than what I could see with my natural eyes.  This was a lesson for me, one of love, conviction and commitment.

Here’s what I learned…..You won’t be committed and convicted, until you go through that experience and transform it……which is why these things are happening now around you…which is why life has shown up this way…. In this situation, I allowed God to show up and transform the situation. As a result…I went back to the doctors and they ran more test…there was no more Lupus and it hasn’t been for 26 years now.

 My husband got new job that doubled his salary and he began to bring his money home. I finally forgave my husband. I let go of the resentment. And nine years later, I divorced him. But the day that I divorced him, I loved him unconditionally with the love of God. I had no resentment, no ill feelings whatsoever. Had I left him those years before, it would not have ended that way. I would have been bitter and angry.  Now, I was completely free. God transformed me and that experience.

What experience in your life right now needs to be transformed? Are you willing to remain committed and convicted to allow God to transform it? Will you do your part to co-create the solution?  Or what do you think I should have done?  Let me hear from you below. Let’s chat, leave a comment.