You Are Not Superwoman!

Yesterday, I was speaking to a member of The Love Story Women Circle and we were sharing with each other the importance of women being apart of a tribal community, such as ours. As women we are inherently tribal.  I can remember a time when women raised their babies together, did laundry together, cooked together and helped each other through the ups and downs of life.

During my child bearing years, I remember giving my old my maternity clothes to the next woman who was pregnant, or as my children out grew their clothing, the clothes automatically went to the next woman who had kids younger than mine.  If someone had a garden, we all were blessed with the fruits of their labor.  One week I'd to pick up everyone's kids from after-school activities, and the next week it was another mommy's turn to play taxi.

If someone's husband walked out on them, the entire tribe gathered our resources to make sure our sister and her children were fed and back on their feet in no time

No one was alone in the tribe, even if they wanted to be. Sunday dinners became shared meals and if someone needed child care, it was never a bother and it was always free.

What happened to those days? What happened to the times when women knew how to make much out of little and we knew the importance of sisterhood and having each other's back?  We have turned out hearts externally to the things which brings us little to no fulfillment. We have become competitive instead of collaborators. We have become covetous instead of complementary. We have become suspicious instead of supportive.  We live in a time where our beliefs are, "independent, strong women are great women."  This false belief of individualism has costs women the very thing that we most need...each other.

We need other women to encourage us, to unstick us when we get stuck, to love us when we can't love ourselves, to remind us of the important things when we forget, to inspire the "heck" out of us with the unlimited possibilities we have in our lives and to call us on our stuff even when we don't really want them to. 

We need our tribes. We need a community of loving, caring sisters who will provide us with endless amounts of inspiration, empowerment, support and love!

As Women We Need:

• A safe place to land: The world can sometimes be harsh, but the right tribe of women can provide a safe and sacred space for you to bring your wounded heart. They will wrap you with love and compassion, while allowing you to vent and breathe without ever having to be judged. They will create the space for you to be nurtured, to heal, to grow and move forward.
• A place where sisters won't let you off the hook: There are times when our thinking and  our behavior  can become  sabotaging to us and these are the times when our tribe is here to call us on our stuff. Everyone of us need that support group that will care enough to confront us on the things that we are doing to neglect ourselves, on our blind spots...the things we can't see for ourselves,  so that we can get back on track and move beyond the real barriers that keeps us from succeeding in life.
• A place to laugh everyday: Life gives us plenty of opportunity for stress, heartache, overwhelm or depression. It's our job to counter those things with laughter, fun, and connection. Have you ever had a terrible day and called a girlfriend and you both ended up laughing at the utter ridiculousness of it all? Suddenly what you thought was going to "take you out" turned out to be what made you stronger because your tribal sister helped you to see it differently and even laugh about it.  Laughter is an important thing in life. We have enough seriousness. We need more laughter.

Do you want to radically change your life? Then it's time to surround yourself with examples of people who will show you that it's possible. 

You're not Superwoman. You're not a one woman roadshow. Stop trying to be perfect and infallible and so great that you never need anything or anyone. 

You! Need! Support!: practical, emotional, spiritual support. 

If you want to live a deeper, more meaningful existence, then engage in deeper, more meaningful conversations with the people talking about deeper more meaningful things.

Whether you've just had a baby, or you are struggling with food, or you're trying to manage a household, love a family, love a partner, and run a business, for the love of all that is good in the world, ask for support. 

Seek out possibilities, surround yourself with inspiration, and what seemed impossible will soon become the only thing you know.

I have available such possibilities for you. If you are a woman who recognizes that she needs the love and support of such tribe, then I want to encourage you to become a member of The Love Story Women Circle Today.

ARe You a Ride or Die Chick?

What is a Ride or Die Chick?  According to the Urban Dictionary,  she is, "A chick that ain't afraid to be down with her man,  she'll do anything her man needs her to do. Ride or die chick' refers to someone who (normally a girl, hence the word chick) is down for everything & anything.  Basically down for both the bad and the good. A female who is willing to stick with you even if death is the ultimate fate of their relationship."

Not that's what I call a woman who is committed to the end. I'm not sure if I am willing to be down for anything, but I  know for a fact that I am down for everything that God has called me to do. 

I have joked about me being a "ride or die chick" in terms of my commitment to my friendships,  to my work and even my relationship with God.  But on a serious note, I believe in my heart that's exactly who I aim to be.

Our young people use this term loosely when they are talking the "Jargon" to each other in expressing their commitment and love to each other and the girls to their men.  While the term has been used as gang jargon to talk about negative things, I believe we can learn a little something from concept of  this uncanny phrase. 

Are you a "ride or die chick" when it comes to your commitment to your family, your friendships, your work,  your purpose in life and to your relationship with God?

There was a line in the movie "A Few Good Men" spoken by Jack Nicholas that said, "We use words like honor, code, loyalty...we use these words as the backbone to a life spent defending something. You use 'em as a punchline."

Sometimes this rings true when we tell ourselves and each other that we are committed to our true purpose of making a difference in the world, to standing up for injustice, to protecting our children, to protecting the truth of who God is. Yet, often times we falter and get side tracked when trouble arrives.

But that's not the truth of who we are. As women, as mothers of the world, we know how to stand in the face of the fear to protect what belongs to us. It's in our DNA and that's who we are. Courageous, Honorable and Loyal. Even when trouble appears.

I want to encourage you to stand in your power and begin to align yourself with your true essence. Begin to allow your actions to match your words. 

If there is a gap between what you are saying and what you are actually doing?  Then an intervention needs to take place in your life quickly.

There was a time when I would sit and talk about all the wonderful ideas I was going to make happen and how I was going to do this, and do that and at the end of the day it was just "talk." I needed an intervention and I got the help I needed. I wanted my words to match my actions.  No! I NEEDED my words to match my actions.

People begin to lose confidence in what you say when you are constantly making promises and predictions, yet they see nothing happen. And the most dangerous thing that happens is that you are teaching your subconscious to believe that you are a liar. And that's not who you really are.

We've got to become like the "ride or die chicks" and begin to commit to the things that are important in life...the things that will help to make the our own lives and the lives of others richer and better. The things that will bring change and transformation to a world that so desperately needs it. To demonstrate to our children that "real ride or die chicks" stand for what's right, what's good, what's expansive and loving. To stop playing small and dimming down to living our lives in full blast, full voice while becoming one with God and loyal to each other.

I believe that's God's way. I believe that's Love's way. 

So if you ask me if I am a "ride or die chick?" The answer is "Yes!" I am committed to the end...to that which I know God has called me to do.  What about you? 

Leave a comment below:

You Were Already Enough

As women we tend to base our worth on what we do instead of who we are. I know this first hand. I use to be a pleaser. If I thought someone was upset with me, I would do something nice for them or I would call them on the phone to talk just to see if I could tell from their voice tone if something wrong.

I worried about whether I did enough of the right things or if I said something the wrong way. I could feel the tension in my stomach, but once I found out everything was okay or I did enough to earn their attention once more, I could feel the tension ease.

What a roller coaster ride my life had become?  Always trying to gauge the situation to be sure that I did the right things, that I didn’t do anything wrong or didn’t ruffled anyone’s feathers. I needed everyone to like me, to be nice to me, to accept me and to love me.   Then one day I realized that the very thing  I was looking to someone else to do for me, had already been done for me.

God loved me from the very beginning. I didn’t need to earn this love or work for it, it was mine because it was the stuff that created me. Love is who I am. It’s the stuff I am made from.  God accepted me, even with all of my flaws and imperfections. I never have to check to see if what I did was  acceptable or if I was lovable. The mere fact that I exist was all that was required.  I call this the “Papilio Effect”…your defining moment is when you are willing to let go of who you are not, step into your most powerful space and become who you were born to be.”  Love is who I am and I realized that who I am is really enough.

I am no longer a performance based person; my worth is no longer based on what I do, but on WHO I am. And so it is with you.

Oriah Mountain Dreamer says “Who you really are is enough.”

Moving into such total acceptance does not mean that we stop growing. When we can accept who we are now, we open the doors to our own inspiration to be even more! You are complete in Love!!

Live Authentically, Laugh Everyday and Embrace Love as a Lifestyle.

Let us hear your “I’m Enough Story” Below…please share with us!

What Would You Change?

If you could change one thing in your life right now-what would you change? What is the one area of your life you would choose, right now, to change?


Leave your answer below!!

You're Beautiful!

I Didn't Believe It Was Good Enough

As many of you know I just released my new book entitled,  ”I’m Not That Woman…A Fatherless Daughter’s Journey to Being. I have written several other books, but never one where I opened up and shared the secret chambers of my heart. In this book I shared parts of myself that, until now, I never had the courage to share with anyone, yet alone to write it in a book. To say that I was afraid would be an understatement.

 It takes courage to let others see parts of your life that you’ve kept locked away and to risk being ridiculed, judged or even criticized for the things that you reveal. But this was something that I had to do and I couldn’t say “no” even if I wanted to. Because it was a definite assignment and mandate on my life in this season.

 I knew that this book would change the lives of those who read it, yet I would have rather did something different. After some real Resistance and receiving lots of encouragement from my husband, my coach and a few friends, I finally said “yes’ and wrote the book.

I thought I would feel better and feel a sense of accomplishment. And I did for a little while.  But on the day I announced that the book was being released, a cloud of fear came over me and shook me to the core. I became ill and gripped with a sudden pain in my stomach. Out of no where I heard myself say, “it’s not good enough.”  Then I repeated this statement to my husband and to one of my daughters who had read the manuscript. I was looking for some kind of reassurance. They both assured me that it was a good book, but I still wasn’t feeling any better.

Where did this uncertainty  and self doubt come from and who was in my head feeding me all of these negative thoughts? I’m the Love Lifestyle Coach, I don’t do self doubt any more. Right?  Wrong! Because  I was in complete overwhelm. What was I  afraid of?

So I did what I do best: begin to pray and meditate.  Then I waited on an answer. The answer I received came in the form of a question. “Do you trust me?”, was what I heard deep within me. I said “yes” to the Voice. That Distinctive Voice that I knew was God speaking to me. As I continued to listen further I heard, “It Is Enough And So Are You.”  Then  there was complete silence. Nothing else. I waited for more and none came.

What I learned from that beautiful encounter is that anytime we embark upon a new journey, one that we’ve never traveled before, we will experience some fear.  Fear of the unknown and fear of wanting to know how it will all turn out. The negative thoughts were coming from old data that was previously programmed and stored in my subconscious and  it was trying to take on life again.  For years I would struggle with not feeling good enough and that old belief  was trying to rise up in me once again.  It was a controlling belief that held my life hostage for years and I was not going to allow it to resurface.

Because of the  knowledge and skills that I’ve acquired through my years of personal and spiritual growth training, I was able to identify completely what was happening.  I also knew that these thoughts did not originate from my true authentic self. It was that old false self, the one who walked around with a case of mistaken identity. So I reminded myself that  ”I’m Not That Woman!”

I remembered who I was again and stepped back into my power. The fear left and I began to rejoice. Then it dawned on me that I had  just completed “Lesson One” from my book. Wow, God really does have a sense of humor.

Why am I sharing this with you today? Because many of you are sitting on ideas, messages, books, inventions, businesses and gifts that you have allowed yourself to believe that it is not enough. Today, I want to encourage you to push beyond your fears and do it anyway. Will you be criticized? Perhaps you will, but do it anyway. I can promise you that the reward  you will receive from stepping out of your fears into your power will make it worth the effort. And think about all the other people who will benefit because you dared to say “yes I am enough.”

What is it that you’ve been afraid to do? I want to hear from you. Release your fear and share it below. Once you have declared it, you now have to do it. Now that you know, you can’t pretend that you don’t. Let me hear from you.

Remember, live authentically, laugh everyday and embrace love as a lifestyle.

What Does Your Story Say?

That's  a photo of my great grandmother. I did not have the honor of knowing her because by the time I was born, she had already transitioned. But my mother has told me many  wonderful stories about her and I have held those stories dear to my heart. 

Many of the stories have influenced my life in many ways and are the reasons why I am who I am today. As I mature in age, I can't help but wonder how the stories that I am currently creating in my life will impact my great grandchildren?

Stories shape and form our lives in ways that we have not yet begun to understand. They can either have positive impacts on the next generation or they can have negative ones. The great thing about this is that you and I get to choose how we want our stories to impact them. Each day that we live our lives, we are creating stories for the next generation. How do you want your story to read?

My great-grandmother's father was a white man and her mother was black who loved each other dearly. She was born and reared in the deep south during a time where bi-racial children we NOT acceptable. Against many odds, including her life being at risk daily, she became a very successful business woman, wife and mother of nine children. While I have never met her, I know her and what I know has given me the courage to stand in the face of giants and not fear. This is the lesson that Laura Taylor's story taught my mother who is a 45 year breast cancer survival and owned and a successful hair salon for over 38 years. This is the lesson that Laura's story will teach my daughters. 

Just like fire, our stories have power. Power to bring protection and warmth to many or the power to destroy lives. The great thing...you and I get to choose which story we want to leave behind.

Remember, Live Authentically, Laugh Everyday, and Embrace Love as a Lifestyle.

Leave us a comment below, we would love to hear from you.