What's Love Got to Do with It?

The internet is inundated with lots of information, such as how to create wealth, the newest health craze, the latest fashion trend, relationship issues and even religious stuff.

But one subject that seems to fly under the radar is “Love”, yet this is the message of my soul. In a world where folks are losing their jobs, their homes, struggling to pay bills, get health care, or battling a bad relationship, the last thing they want to hear or talk about is love. While this is not a popular topic, it is the answer to every problem you have in your life. Love is the greatest answer to the world’s problems.

Perhaps that is why it gets so little attention. Really, how could love be the answer to your problems? As Tina Turner said, “what’s love got to do with it?” Love has everything to do with it.

The real reason we don’t embrace love as the solution to our problems is that it will force us to begin to take 100% responsibility for our own lives. It won’t allow us to play the victim any longer. But more importantly it will make us look within ourselves for answers instead of externally.

How can love pay my bills, find a job, or make my husband treat me better?” you may ask. We all live by two different driving forces, love or fear. Whatever force we allow to govern our lives, produces the results that we are currently experiencing.

Fear produces lack, scarcity, chaos, want, confusion, sickness, depression, fatigue, violence and etc.

Love produces abundance, increase, joy, health, energy, ease, harmony, peace, happiness, fulfillment and etc. It's not the devil that is playing havoc in your life. It is where you have chosen not to love. Fear produces a vibration in our being that summons or attracts all that fear represents to us.

But when we choose to love, embody love, become love, then it will begin to call forth or attract all the things that love produces. Learn to love at that level now! Email me angela@thelovelifestyle.com

I See You!

There comes a time in our lives when we must face the truth. The truth of who we are and the truth of who we are becoming.

Our dance begins each morning when we awaken unto our day. We do this dance very well. We dance for our kids, we dance for our spouses, we dance for our bosses, and we dance for our parents and even the church. But when do we dance for ourselves?
We dance to entertain and please everyone around us only to become invisible to ourselves.

But I see you. I see you when you look into the mirror each morning to do your hair and face while fighting the urge to break down and cry. I see you when you put that lipstick on the same lips that so desperately wants to shout to the world "I am so tired...I'm just so tired!" Not in the physical sense, but you are tired and weary from the inside...from your deeper parts.

I see you when you realize what is happening and you regroup, square your shoulders, take a deep breath and grab your purse to walk out the door. You are on your way into the world to dance all over again. Oh, did I mention that before you left home you had gotten the kids ready, fixed breakfast, made some beds, loaded the dish washer and folded that basket of laundry? You did that dance before anyone in your house woke up this morning.

Now it's time to dance for your micro-managing, never can please boss and that noisy, jealous, aggravating co-worker who just won't shut up.

I see you when you smile while wanting to break down and cry. I see you when you work all day on a job that brings you no joy or gratification. I see you when your mouth curves out a slight grin as you imagine what it would be to own that business you've wanted to start. But I also see you when you rationalize that thought away because you believe it is only wishful thinking. I see your grin disappear along with your hope.

As you drive home, I see you plan your next dance of what to cook for dinner, how much homework you have to assist with and what time you got to go to bible study. I see you when you grab your bible for church and adjust your dance just a little because your swagger may be too much for the sisters. Because you don't want them to know that you have not had time to pray or read your bible for 5 days. And you dare not act like you have any un-answered prayers. No, this dance....the one you've learned to do so well says to everyone, including the preacher,that all is well and everything is perfect because you love God!! Right?

But I see your pain, your hurt, your disappointments, your regrets and your unhappiness with your life. I see your desire for life to be more and I see your need for more. I see that you're stuck because you've brought into the false illusion that your life has to be this way.

You've learned to dance the dance of making everyone a priority above yourself. Your illusion gives you permission to believe this is okay.

Yet, I see your dance is getting weaker, I see you miss a few steps and turns only because you are getting older and think it's too late to change the music or your dance.

I cry for you, my sister and I pray for you. Why? Because I know this dance all too well, I've dance it for years. But I also know it can be different. Life can be different and it can be for you. I am now dancing a new dance with new music and it is wonderful!! I long to have all my sisters dance with me.

I invite you to join me in this dance, but until then I will dance for you... because you have forgotten to dance for yourself.

No Regrets!

I went in search of my biological father when I was 19 years old. I can remember the first day I drove 2 hours to his state to visit him. Boy was I nervous. I was met by a man who appeared happy to see me, but in so many ways he was very distant and allusive. Looking at him was like looking in a mirror, because I looked so much like him. It was a pleasant visit, not emotional, but pleasant.

We continued to write each other and occasionally visit sometimes. Our phone conversations lasted perhaps 3-5 minutes max. We had a distant relationship, not very close at all. My father was incapable of connecting with anyone, especially a daughter he never knew. I learned to love my father from where he was, but it just became too painful to be around him. Not because I hated or disliked him, it was just very difficult to get to know him. The subtle rejection was just too much. He would never write to me, only send me a few dollars here and there. The money was fine, but I needed his words. I wanted to hear him tell me what I meant to him, I wanted to have great conversation with the man I wanted to know so badly. But we never became the father and daughter I had imagined we could have been.

After my painful divorce, I reached out to my dad for some support and found none. Not because he didn’t want to, he just couldn't. He was not mentally or emotionally available to anyone. We drifted even farther apart. It was this year when I felt an urgent need to seek him out again. I had lost touch and didn’t know where to find him. When I finally located him, I was met with resistance from his family members who thought that I wanted something from my dad. My dad is now mentally ill and unable to care for himself now. I have been met by his family with hostility now I am being blamed for not coming around all those years. I cannot possibly understand how I am now the blame for my dad's own doing. I initiated all of our connections. I reached out to him, never he to me.

The story gets better. Now, his family is now requesting that I prove that I am his daughter. After all of these years, (47), paternity was never an issue. This is all coming down to my father's estate and his family thinks I want it. Yet, they don't understand that all I ever wanted from my dad, I will never get now. It is not his estate, it was him, it was his love.

I love my dad and I want to believe that somewhere in his ill mind he loves me too. For me that will have to be enough. I cannot and will not bring the past into the presence, but I will not create a presence that becomes painful or stressful. I will not allow his family to taint or mess with what I was able to create with my dad. Even if it was on a very small level, it was huge to me. I learned my dad had his own issues. Whatever they were, I was not the cause of them, but I understand them. I cannot change the past, but I can sure create a peaceful present. I lost my dad a long time ago and I had a small window to find him and love him. I am grateful for that opportunity. I celebrate the times we had together and the brief encounters. They will forever remain precious in my heart. For now I have peace and joy in knowing that the only thing I owed my dad was my love and forgiveness. Today he has both!

Share Your Heart Secrets!

It has been said that "healing comes from sharing our wounds." I have found this to be true for myself. Through telling my stories of pain, abandonment and rejection, I found my way back home. I found so many other women who shared similar stories and it is through the sharing, the healing of old wounds were discoverd. We share our Heart Secrets, the lessons we've learned from the stories we dared to share.

I want to challenge you as a Fatherless Daughter to tell the truth. You have nothing to be ashame of, absolutely nothing. You are loved by a God, a Father who loves you unconditionally. Join me and others as we rise up and share our stories of pain, forgiveness and restoration with the world in order to heal the world.

No longer have your cry lost in the dark. Step into the light of God's love, and always remember to tell the truth, your truth..which is what really matters. Yes it does!!

One Love,
Angela Carr Patterson

A Fatherless Daughter's Lost Cry in the Dark....My Heart Secret (Final Part)

While not having a father can be harmful to women, there are certainly many other reasons why we as women do not love ourselves. It matters not how you arrived at this desolate place, but rather how you move through it and on to your own Love Story.

I have come to tell the truth which has freed me to love. In my E-book, "The Revival of a Love Story", I share the lessons learned and concepts that I have come to embrace concerning love over the years. And there is "The Papilio Effect Concept" that I teach which is the very foundation for my Love Story Experience.

My story does not have a fairy tale ending in which I find my father and we have a great loving relationship. In fact, it is just the opposite. I do not have a wonderful relationship with my father and perhaps never will, because he is still unavailable, but what I do have is forgiveness. Forgiveness is a powerful thing, a liberator of the soul!! I have a loving step-father who has consistently been there for me in every capacity possible. I am now married to a wonderful new husband and living a life full of love, peace and joy. You see folks, I found love... inside myself and it was there all along. At times I am still challenged by my old limiting beliefs, but when that happens I simply shift my thoughts and remind myself to love again!! Oh my what an amazing journey this has become.

It is my hope that our “Fatherless Daughter Initiative” will become a place of inspiration, celebration and transformation as we examine the truths about Fatherless Daughters. It is our hope that we can shed light and give insight to an issue that is taking this nation by storm, yet continues to remain ignored.

We want to encourage fathers and their daughters to share their Heart Secrets, dare them to tell the truth, to forgive and maybe even heal. This could actually open their lives to amazing new possibilities. We must do this for all the women, for the men who could not or did not love them and for my daughter. I believe love is who you are and not what you do. Not only is it possible to create your own love story, it is also inevitable!

One Love,

Angela Carr Patterson

A Fatherless Daughter's Lost Cry in the Dark....My Heart Secret (Part 2)

I learned early, that if I were going to make it in life, I had to do it myself. I didn't grow up with a father to protect me, to provide or even to love me. He and my mom split while she was pregnant with me and later divorced. My Heart Secret was to never allow anyone to know how not having a father in my life made me feel less than human. I felt as if I did not belong anywhere. I was always afraid of being found out, of being rejected, not liked or even accepted. I carried this wound like a woman carrying a baby, yet I could never give birth to it; I could never release it.

As I began to come to terms with the impact of how not having my dad in my life had affected me, the process of healing began. I now understood my desperate need to be loved, to be re-assured, and my fear of abandonment. I also understood why I could not actually fully connect with my mates or have a deep intimate and lasting relationship. Finally, I understood why I could not find true love. I did not recognize it.

I really did not know how love looked. How could I? I never saw love demonstrated to my mother by my father nor was it ever shown to me by my father. Then I went to church and the minister told me that God was my Father. However, I had difficulty receiving love from a God I could not see, feel or hear, as it reminded me of my father.

Now, here I was divorced, just like my mother, my grandmother and now my daughter would have to live without her father. We were 4 generations of women who did not grow up with a father. The only common denominator for the women in my family not being able to sustain a lasting relationship was that we were all fatherless. I had to prevent my daughter from repeating the same cycle. I want to prevent all women from having to live this hell!

As I began my search for answers, I no longer saw my life through tainted lenses. Love for me became very clear. I read everything I could get my hands on about self-love, God's love. I prayed, meditated and connected to Love's Power Source. I discovered a loving Creator who would teach me about true love through my daily experiences, the people I would meet, the mistakes I would make and decisions I would face.

As the thoughts about myself began to shift from shame, guilt and pity, to awareness, love and respect, my belief system also began to change and wouldn't you believe, my love story was unfolding. However it was not with a man, but rather with myself. Loving myself would afford me the ability to truly love another from my deeper self, without fear of rejection or abandonment. So many of these lessons I have come to learn.

Soon I would discover that I was not alone on this journey. Many of my sisters, women from all walks of life, also grew up in fatherless homes or homes in which the fathers were seldom available, emotionally unavailable. As I began to do research on this subject, I also discovered this epidemic was growing out of control and no one seemed to really notice. There is so much data to support the adverse, negative effects on the lives of women who grew up without fathers. It breaks my heart to know that there are millions of women and daughters looking for love who are not finding it because they have never learned what love truly is. In every woman there is that little girl who wants to be loved, adored and protected by her daddy! It's just that simple.

A Fatherless Daughter's Lost Cry in the Dark...My Heart Secret (Part 1)

My life has seemed to come full circle now that I have faced my own “Heart Secrets”. We all carry our own Heart Secrets within the deepest chambers of our hearts. For years, I protected my Heart Secrets to be sure no one found out. But the truth is, that once I came to grips with why my life had often seem to spin out of control, then and only then could I be free. My Heart Secrets was my obsession with finding true love. For years, I had written and spoken on numerous topics. Yet it never ceased to amaze me that the number one topic for most women was “Love“. In almost every conversation, the subject of love seemed to surface. It had become a cultural obsession. Someone was trying to find, keep or to get rid of what they thought was true love; nevertheless, we remained obsessed with it. I too had my own secret obsession with this thing called love.

After years of struggling with this obsession myself, I had to find some answers in order to move forward with my own life. After a painful divorce from a sixteen-year marriage, and several years of struggling as a single mother of three teenagers, I had reached my point of desperation. I felt lonely, unhappy and unlovable. I was consumed with all the negative emotions I had taught against for many years. I grew tired of looking for someone to love me, so I convinced myself that love was not in the plan for my life.

Then one day after one of my many pity parties, I heard this still, small voice whisper to me “Revive Your Own Love Story.” What was that? It was God! A God, which up until then had seemed so distant from me. I came to learned that in order to create the love story I so wanted, so longed for, somewhere in the deeper recesses of my soul, I had to identify the reasons for its absence. You see, in order for my pain to heal, I had to first heal my misplaced sense of identity. I learned that I didn’t know who I was or how love looked. Who was I? My Heart Secret had begun to surface and oh what pain I would have to face!!