Does It Have to Be Perfect?

I wanted so much for him to love me...my ex-husband, that's who.  I thought he would love me and protect me forever. But he broke my heart into little pieces and I wondered if I would ever heal.

Does that story sound familiar? I think we've all experienced heart break whether we are a fatherless daughter or not. But for most of us fatherless daughters, our heart breaks runs deeper because it comes from a deeper space within us. It's a familiar space. A space that we've held waiting for daddy to someday come and tell us how much he loves us, how much he adores us and how special we really are to him. But for most of us that day will never come and we've tried hard as we could to get that longing and desperate need met through the men we chose to love.

And when that doesn't happen, we are left in a dark, desolate place of despair. "Will I ever find true love?"...becomes our daily mantra. Then for many of us, we thrust ourselves in our careers. We become driven, independent super women. Thinking that we can somehow we can fill that empty space with our houses, cars, designer clothes and bank accounts. Yet, we end up in lots of debt, many of us living above our means and stressed out. Because the feeling of stress and chaos is normal to our subconscious mind, because we haven't done the necessary work to clear those sabotaging thoughts that creates invisible barriers around out lives.

Then one day your beloved walks into your life. "This is it," you tell yourself. It's a romance that should be written in a novel. But  he soon does something that sends you into a tail spin. "Here we go again," you say to yourself. But is it really what you think? 

Because as a fatherless daughter, you are never satisfied. It doesn't matter who it is, if he's not perfect, it will not work. He can do ten things right and one thing wrong and you are ready to jump ship. Because we fatherless daughters can never be satisfied. Ha, ha, I can hear my ex-husband saying the very same words to me. At the time, I thought he was the crazy one when he would say, "I can never please you, you're always complaining about something."  Whew! And when I heard my children say similar things such as "Mom, what did I do now?", I knew I needed to change.

It wasn't until I began to understand that my fatherless daughter syndrome was destroying my life and realize that if  I didn't get a handle on it, I was going to be lonely, broke and unhappy for a long time, that I began to change.

As you read this story, does any of this resonate within you? Many of us think that our failures are our inability to sustain relationships, handle money, loose weight or something else, but if we are to look a little closer, we will see that it's really something deeper!!

Let us hear from you, what did you think about this article?

Sick, Betrayed and Broken

 I woke up feeling like I was in a daze. Had it all been a dream or was it really real? Did my husband really confess to cheating on me multiple times with several different women or was it all a dream?

When I gathered my thoughts and began to feel that pain in my belly, I remembered that it was true and it wasn’t a dream. Yes, when I confronted him the day before with what I saw, he had no choice but to admit the truth. It was a normal day, and I had put all of the kids down for a nap. My sons were 2 and 4 years of age and my daughter was 4 weeks old. I finally had a chance to take a long relaxing shower.  And that’s when it all happened.

It was in the shower that I had another open vision. I now understand this gift that I have, but for years, I didn’t. There are times when I least expect it, that pictures of things, people or places will just flash before me as if I am looking at a movie. I can see things and know them. I have now learned to appreciate and embrace this gift…this knowing.  Well on that particular day, as I was taking my shower, I saw my husband with another woman. I could see her face, how she looked and what they were doing. I had never seen this woman before. I was stunned and I asked God, what should I do with this information? I heard in my spirit to just pray. I did pray, but I also confronted my husband when he came home from work.

As I shared with him what I saw and I described the details of what happened, and  how the woman looked…his face appeared as if he had just saw  a ghost. He was so fearful, until he broke down and confessed every single infidelity. I was crushed. So crushed until I immediately rushed to bathroom and vomited all evening and I cried myself to sleep.

 The next morning, after realizing it wasn’t a dream, I had to decide what to do. I couldn’t tell anyone, and I didn’t know if I wanted to leave him. Where was I going with 3 small babies, no money and no self esteem or self worth? So, I kept it all to myself and pretended everything was well. I had learned over the years to wear the mask of pretence.

 Over the next few weeks, I began to  feel sick in my body. So I went to the doctor and they ran a series of test on me. The final diagnosis was that I had Lupus. Now I am sick. Not only was I sick, but we were also financially broke. I couldn’t run my business and bring in any money, and my husband was spending all of his as he made it, trying to impress folks. I had reached a place of deep ,dark,  despair. But this was a place where only a Loving God could help me. And He did.

I spent the next few weeks totally emerged in prayer and  meditation. Reading everything that I could on the power of God to heal and restore. I was consumed with this task. I had a choice. I could pack up my kids and move back home with my parents, or I could allow God to transform this situation for me. I chose the latter. While I don’t encourage anyone to stay in a relationship that is filled with dishonesty or pain, I made a decision at that moment to remain because there was something bigger going on than what I could see with my natural eyes.  This was a lesson for me, one of love, conviction and commitment.

Here’s what I learned…..You won’t be committed and convicted, until you go through that experience and transform it……which is why these things are happening now around you…which is why life has shown up this way…. In this situation, I allowed God to show up and transform the situation. As a result…I went back to the doctors and they ran more test…there was no more Lupus and it hasn’t been for 26 years now.

 My husband got new job that doubled his salary and he began to bring his money home. I finally forgave my husband. I let go of the resentment. And nine years later, I divorced him. But the day that I divorced him, I loved him unconditionally with the love of God. I had no resentment, no ill feelings whatsoever. Had I left him those years before, it would not have ended that way. I would have been bitter and angry.  Now, I was completely free. God transformed me and that experience.

What experience in your life right now needs to be transformed? Are you willing to remain committed and convicted to allow God to transform it? Will you do your part to co-create the solution?  Or what do you think I should have done?  Let me hear from you below. Let’s chat, leave a comment.