What Would You Change?

If you could change one thing in your life right now-what would you change? What is the one area of your life you would choose, right now, to change?


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I Didn't Believe It Was Good Enough

As many of you know I just released my new book entitled,  ”I’m Not That Woman…A Fatherless Daughter’s Journey to Being. I have written several other books, but never one where I opened up and shared the secret chambers of my heart. In this book I shared parts of myself that, until now, I never had the courage to share with anyone, yet alone to write it in a book. To say that I was afraid would be an understatement.

 It takes courage to let others see parts of your life that you’ve kept locked away and to risk being ridiculed, judged or even criticized for the things that you reveal. But this was something that I had to do and I couldn’t say “no” even if I wanted to. Because it was a definite assignment and mandate on my life in this season.

 I knew that this book would change the lives of those who read it, yet I would have rather did something different. After some real Resistance and receiving lots of encouragement from my husband, my coach and a few friends, I finally said “yes’ and wrote the book.

I thought I would feel better and feel a sense of accomplishment. And I did for a little while.  But on the day I announced that the book was being released, a cloud of fear came over me and shook me to the core. I became ill and gripped with a sudden pain in my stomach. Out of no where I heard myself say, “it’s not good enough.”  Then I repeated this statement to my husband and to one of my daughters who had read the manuscript. I was looking for some kind of reassurance. They both assured me that it was a good book, but I still wasn’t feeling any better.

Where did this uncertainty  and self doubt come from and who was in my head feeding me all of these negative thoughts? I’m the Love Lifestyle Coach, I don’t do self doubt any more. Right?  Wrong! Because  I was in complete overwhelm. What was I  afraid of?

So I did what I do best: begin to pray and meditate.  Then I waited on an answer. The answer I received came in the form of a question. “Do you trust me?”, was what I heard deep within me. I said “yes” to the Voice. That Distinctive Voice that I knew was God speaking to me. As I continued to listen further I heard, “It Is Enough And So Are You.”  Then  there was complete silence. Nothing else. I waited for more and none came.

What I learned from that beautiful encounter is that anytime we embark upon a new journey, one that we’ve never traveled before, we will experience some fear.  Fear of the unknown and fear of wanting to know how it will all turn out. The negative thoughts were coming from old data that was previously programmed and stored in my subconscious and  it was trying to take on life again.  For years I would struggle with not feeling good enough and that old belief  was trying to rise up in me once again.  It was a controlling belief that held my life hostage for years and I was not going to allow it to resurface.

Because of the  knowledge and skills that I’ve acquired through my years of personal and spiritual growth training, I was able to identify completely what was happening.  I also knew that these thoughts did not originate from my true authentic self. It was that old false self, the one who walked around with a case of mistaken identity. So I reminded myself that  ”I’m Not That Woman!”

I remembered who I was again and stepped back into my power. The fear left and I began to rejoice. Then it dawned on me that I had  just completed “Lesson One” from my book. Wow, God really does have a sense of humor.

Why am I sharing this with you today? Because many of you are sitting on ideas, messages, books, inventions, businesses and gifts that you have allowed yourself to believe that it is not enough. Today, I want to encourage you to push beyond your fears and do it anyway. Will you be criticized? Perhaps you will, but do it anyway. I can promise you that the reward  you will receive from stepping out of your fears into your power will make it worth the effort. And think about all the other people who will benefit because you dared to say “yes I am enough.”

What is it that you’ve been afraid to do? I want to hear from you. Release your fear and share it below. Once you have declared it, you now have to do it. Now that you know, you can’t pretend that you don’t. Let me hear from you.

Remember, live authentically, laugh everyday and embrace love as a lifestyle.

What Does Your Story Say?

That's  a photo of my great grandmother. I did not have the honor of knowing her because by the time I was born, she had already transitioned. But my mother has told me many  wonderful stories about her and I have held those stories dear to my heart. 

Many of the stories have influenced my life in many ways and are the reasons why I am who I am today. As I mature in age, I can't help but wonder how the stories that I am currently creating in my life will impact my great grandchildren?

Stories shape and form our lives in ways that we have not yet begun to understand. They can either have positive impacts on the next generation or they can have negative ones. The great thing about this is that you and I get to choose how we want our stories to impact them. Each day that we live our lives, we are creating stories for the next generation. How do you want your story to read?

My great-grandmother's father was a white man and her mother was black who loved each other dearly. She was born and reared in the deep south during a time where bi-racial children we NOT acceptable. Against many odds, including her life being at risk daily, she became a very successful business woman, wife and mother of nine children. While I have never met her, I know her and what I know has given me the courage to stand in the face of giants and not fear. This is the lesson that Laura Taylor's story taught my mother who is a 45 year breast cancer survival and owned and a successful hair salon for over 38 years. This is the lesson that Laura's story will teach my daughters. 

Just like fire, our stories have power. Power to bring protection and warmth to many or the power to destroy lives. The great thing...you and I get to choose which story we want to leave behind.

Remember, Live Authentically, Laugh Everyday, and Embrace Love as a Lifestyle.

Leave us a comment below, we would love to hear from you.

What Does Love Look Like?

Today is the day that millions of people celebrate love!  The retail industry is projecting that they will earn billions of dollars on today as men and women hurry to purchase roses, candy, flowers, jewelry, dinners and all sorts of gifts to bestow upon their beloved. 

Yet, there are millions of women who will feel left out, depressed and cheated because they are not receiving any roses at work, or no one is asking them out to dinner. These are the women who will feel that there's something wrong with them because they are not apart of the hoopla.

I can relate to this painful feeling, because when I was a divorce mother of three children, I too wanted so desperately to be apart of love's holiday. But it was when I discovered that the love I so wanted, I hadn't given it to myself.

And so it is with many women I meet today. I've seen and talked to women who have created and manifested businesses that not only generated great lively hoods for them, but has given hundreds  of others lively hoods. Yet, these women still feel bad about themselves.

I've seen women in the caring and healing professions, teachers, ministers, doctors who save lives and life coaches, who help direct people's journey, go home and tell themselves terrible things and feel unworthy and unlovable.

I talk to women and as I look deep within their eyes into their souls and I see so much pain.  They are not aware of their own beauty, their magic, their sparkle, their vitality and their spirit. Let's face it. We all have been these women and for many of us, we still are.

It's in our alone space, or on days like today, we begin to ask the question--"what's wrong with me?"

The answer to that question is not about what's going on outside of you, but what is going within you. Your spirit is just a little tilted...because many of you don't know how to authentically love yourselves.

You create lovely homes for your families, take care of your children, and get up every morning feeling like "I'm not good enough and I'm not lovable." This becomes the root of every imbalance you suffer.

Many women believe that if they can get organized enough or create more balance in their lives -- that this will fix the anxiety that they are feeling. That's because you are under the illusion that something outside of you is going to make you feel whole. But only true authentic self love can do that for you.

It is time that we begin to heal from that injury of self-rejection that was inflicted upon us. It's the injury that all of us encountered somewhere along the way. By someone else who no doubt was also injured. In many cases by someone who has long gone out of our lives.

It's time that you come into a deep appreciation for the wonder, the magnificence of who you are and know that it's not based on what you do, but by virtue of your very existence.

So today is not just about celebrating love for someone else. It really can be also about healing and recovery. It's about taking the your next step towards an act of incredible self love and compassion.

Just as you look into a baby's eyes and see a precious, magnificent work of art...a divine miracle. Today,  I want to encourage you to  look yourself in the mirror and see the same magnificence, divine miracle. Because the miracle didn't change, she just grew up and got a little larger.  The magnificence didn't go away. As you look in the mirror, say to yourself, "I LOVE YOU!" That my sister , is what real love looks like.

And Remember, Live Authentically, Laugh Everyday and Embrace Love as a Lifestyle.

Does It Have to Be Perfect?

I wanted so much for him to love me...my ex-husband, that's who.  I thought he would love me and protect me forever. But he broke my heart into little pieces and I wondered if I would ever heal.

Does that story sound familiar? I think we've all experienced heart break whether we are a fatherless daughter or not. But for most of us fatherless daughters, our heart breaks runs deeper because it comes from a deeper space within us. It's a familiar space. A space that we've held waiting for daddy to someday come and tell us how much he loves us, how much he adores us and how special we really are to him. But for most of us that day will never come and we've tried hard as we could to get that longing and desperate need met through the men we chose to love.

And when that doesn't happen, we are left in a dark, desolate place of despair. "Will I ever find true love?"...becomes our daily mantra. Then for many of us, we thrust ourselves in our careers. We become driven, independent super women. Thinking that we can somehow we can fill that empty space with our houses, cars, designer clothes and bank accounts. Yet, we end up in lots of debt, many of us living above our means and stressed out. Because the feeling of stress and chaos is normal to our subconscious mind, because we haven't done the necessary work to clear those sabotaging thoughts that creates invisible barriers around out lives.

Then one day your beloved walks into your life. "This is it," you tell yourself. It's a romance that should be written in a novel. But  he soon does something that sends you into a tail spin. "Here we go again," you say to yourself. But is it really what you think? 

Because as a fatherless daughter, you are never satisfied. It doesn't matter who it is, if he's not perfect, it will not work. He can do ten things right and one thing wrong and you are ready to jump ship. Because we fatherless daughters can never be satisfied. Ha, ha, I can hear my ex-husband saying the very same words to me. At the time, I thought he was the crazy one when he would say, "I can never please you, you're always complaining about something."  Whew! And when I heard my children say similar things such as "Mom, what did I do now?", I knew I needed to change.

It wasn't until I began to understand that my fatherless daughter syndrome was destroying my life and realize that if  I didn't get a handle on it, I was going to be lonely, broke and unhappy for a long time, that I began to change.

As you read this story, does any of this resonate within you? Many of us think that our failures are our inability to sustain relationships, handle money, loose weight or something else, but if we are to look a little closer, we will see that it's really something deeper!!

Let us hear from you, what did you think about this article?

Sick, Betrayed and Broken

 I woke up feeling like I was in a daze. Had it all been a dream or was it really real? Did my husband really confess to cheating on me multiple times with several different women or was it all a dream?

When I gathered my thoughts and began to feel that pain in my belly, I remembered that it was true and it wasn’t a dream. Yes, when I confronted him the day before with what I saw, he had no choice but to admit the truth. It was a normal day, and I had put all of the kids down for a nap. My sons were 2 and 4 years of age and my daughter was 4 weeks old. I finally had a chance to take a long relaxing shower.  And that’s when it all happened.

It was in the shower that I had another open vision. I now understand this gift that I have, but for years, I didn’t. There are times when I least expect it, that pictures of things, people or places will just flash before me as if I am looking at a movie. I can see things and know them. I have now learned to appreciate and embrace this gift…this knowing.  Well on that particular day, as I was taking my shower, I saw my husband with another woman. I could see her face, how she looked and what they were doing. I had never seen this woman before. I was stunned and I asked God, what should I do with this information? I heard in my spirit to just pray. I did pray, but I also confronted my husband when he came home from work.

As I shared with him what I saw and I described the details of what happened, and  how the woman looked…his face appeared as if he had just saw  a ghost. He was so fearful, until he broke down and confessed every single infidelity. I was crushed. So crushed until I immediately rushed to bathroom and vomited all evening and I cried myself to sleep.

 The next morning, after realizing it wasn’t a dream, I had to decide what to do. I couldn’t tell anyone, and I didn’t know if I wanted to leave him. Where was I going with 3 small babies, no money and no self esteem or self worth? So, I kept it all to myself and pretended everything was well. I had learned over the years to wear the mask of pretence.

 Over the next few weeks, I began to  feel sick in my body. So I went to the doctor and they ran a series of test on me. The final diagnosis was that I had Lupus. Now I am sick. Not only was I sick, but we were also financially broke. I couldn’t run my business and bring in any money, and my husband was spending all of his as he made it, trying to impress folks. I had reached a place of deep ,dark,  despair. But this was a place where only a Loving God could help me. And He did.

I spent the next few weeks totally emerged in prayer and  meditation. Reading everything that I could on the power of God to heal and restore. I was consumed with this task. I had a choice. I could pack up my kids and move back home with my parents, or I could allow God to transform this situation for me. I chose the latter. While I don’t encourage anyone to stay in a relationship that is filled with dishonesty or pain, I made a decision at that moment to remain because there was something bigger going on than what I could see with my natural eyes.  This was a lesson for me, one of love, conviction and commitment.

Here’s what I learned…..You won’t be committed and convicted, until you go through that experience and transform it……which is why these things are happening now around you…which is why life has shown up this way…. In this situation, I allowed God to show up and transform the situation. As a result…I went back to the doctors and they ran more test…there was no more Lupus and it hasn’t been for 26 years now.

 My husband got new job that doubled his salary and he began to bring his money home. I finally forgave my husband. I let go of the resentment. And nine years later, I divorced him. But the day that I divorced him, I loved him unconditionally with the love of God. I had no resentment, no ill feelings whatsoever. Had I left him those years before, it would not have ended that way. I would have been bitter and angry.  Now, I was completely free. God transformed me and that experience.

What experience in your life right now needs to be transformed? Are you willing to remain committed and convicted to allow God to transform it? Will you do your part to co-create the solution?  Or what do you think I should have done?  Let me hear from you below. Let’s chat, leave a comment.