What Does Your Story Say?

That's  a photo of my great grandmother. I did not have the honor of knowing her because by the time I was born, she had already transitioned. But my mother has told me many  wonderful stories about her and I have held those stories dear to my heart. 

Many of the stories have influenced my life in many ways and are the reasons why I am who I am today. As I mature in age, I can't help but wonder how the stories that I am currently creating in my life will impact my great grandchildren?

Stories shape and form our lives in ways that we have not yet begun to understand. They can either have positive impacts on the next generation or they can have negative ones. The great thing about this is that you and I get to choose how we want our stories to impact them. Each day that we live our lives, we are creating stories for the next generation. How do you want your story to read?

My great-grandmother's father was a white man and her mother was black who loved each other dearly. She was born and reared in the deep south during a time where bi-racial children we NOT acceptable. Against many odds, including her life being at risk daily, she became a very successful business woman, wife and mother of nine children. While I have never met her, I know her and what I know has given me the courage to stand in the face of giants and not fear. This is the lesson that Laura Taylor's story taught my mother who is a 45 year breast cancer survival and owned and a successful hair salon for over 38 years. This is the lesson that Laura's story will teach my daughters. 

Just like fire, our stories have power. Power to bring protection and warmth to many or the power to destroy lives. The great thing...you and I get to choose which story we want to leave behind.

Remember, Live Authentically, Laugh Everyday, and Embrace Love as a Lifestyle.

Leave us a comment below, we would love to hear from you.

What Does Love Look Like?

Today is the day that millions of people celebrate love!  The retail industry is projecting that they will earn billions of dollars on today as men and women hurry to purchase roses, candy, flowers, jewelry, dinners and all sorts of gifts to bestow upon their beloved. 

Yet, there are millions of women who will feel left out, depressed and cheated because they are not receiving any roses at work, or no one is asking them out to dinner. These are the women who will feel that there's something wrong with them because they are not apart of the hoopla.

I can relate to this painful feeling, because when I was a divorce mother of three children, I too wanted so desperately to be apart of love's holiday. But it was when I discovered that the love I so wanted, I hadn't given it to myself.

And so it is with many women I meet today. I've seen and talked to women who have created and manifested businesses that not only generated great lively hoods for them, but has given hundreds  of others lively hoods. Yet, these women still feel bad about themselves.

I've seen women in the caring and healing professions, teachers, ministers, doctors who save lives and life coaches, who help direct people's journey, go home and tell themselves terrible things and feel unworthy and unlovable.

I talk to women and as I look deep within their eyes into their souls and I see so much pain.  They are not aware of their own beauty, their magic, their sparkle, their vitality and their spirit. Let's face it. We all have been these women and for many of us, we still are.

It's in our alone space, or on days like today, we begin to ask the question--"what's wrong with me?"

The answer to that question is not about what's going on outside of you, but what is going within you. Your spirit is just a little tilted...because many of you don't know how to authentically love yourselves.

You create lovely homes for your families, take care of your children, and get up every morning feeling like "I'm not good enough and I'm not lovable." This becomes the root of every imbalance you suffer.

Many women believe that if they can get organized enough or create more balance in their lives -- that this will fix the anxiety that they are feeling. That's because you are under the illusion that something outside of you is going to make you feel whole. But only true authentic self love can do that for you.

It is time that we begin to heal from that injury of self-rejection that was inflicted upon us. It's the injury that all of us encountered somewhere along the way. By someone else who no doubt was also injured. In many cases by someone who has long gone out of our lives.

It's time that you come into a deep appreciation for the wonder, the magnificence of who you are and know that it's not based on what you do, but by virtue of your very existence.

So today is not just about celebrating love for someone else. It really can be also about healing and recovery. It's about taking the your next step towards an act of incredible self love and compassion.

Just as you look into a baby's eyes and see a precious, magnificent work of art...a divine miracle. Today,  I want to encourage you to  look yourself in the mirror and see the same magnificence, divine miracle. Because the miracle didn't change, she just grew up and got a little larger.  The magnificence didn't go away. As you look in the mirror, say to yourself, "I LOVE YOU!" That my sister , is what real love looks like.

And Remember, Live Authentically, Laugh Everyday and Embrace Love as a Lifestyle.

Does It Have to Be Perfect?

I wanted so much for him to love me...my ex-husband, that's who.  I thought he would love me and protect me forever. But he broke my heart into little pieces and I wondered if I would ever heal.

Does that story sound familiar? I think we've all experienced heart break whether we are a fatherless daughter or not. But for most of us fatherless daughters, our heart breaks runs deeper because it comes from a deeper space within us. It's a familiar space. A space that we've held waiting for daddy to someday come and tell us how much he loves us, how much he adores us and how special we really are to him. But for most of us that day will never come and we've tried hard as we could to get that longing and desperate need met through the men we chose to love.

And when that doesn't happen, we are left in a dark, desolate place of despair. "Will I ever find true love?"...becomes our daily mantra. Then for many of us, we thrust ourselves in our careers. We become driven, independent super women. Thinking that we can somehow we can fill that empty space with our houses, cars, designer clothes and bank accounts. Yet, we end up in lots of debt, many of us living above our means and stressed out. Because the feeling of stress and chaos is normal to our subconscious mind, because we haven't done the necessary work to clear those sabotaging thoughts that creates invisible barriers around out lives.

Then one day your beloved walks into your life. "This is it," you tell yourself. It's a romance that should be written in a novel. But  he soon does something that sends you into a tail spin. "Here we go again," you say to yourself. But is it really what you think? 

Because as a fatherless daughter, you are never satisfied. It doesn't matter who it is, if he's not perfect, it will not work. He can do ten things right and one thing wrong and you are ready to jump ship. Because we fatherless daughters can never be satisfied. Ha, ha, I can hear my ex-husband saying the very same words to me. At the time, I thought he was the crazy one when he would say, "I can never please you, you're always complaining about something."  Whew! And when I heard my children say similar things such as "Mom, what did I do now?", I knew I needed to change.

It wasn't until I began to understand that my fatherless daughter syndrome was destroying my life and realize that if  I didn't get a handle on it, I was going to be lonely, broke and unhappy for a long time, that I began to change.

As you read this story, does any of this resonate within you? Many of us think that our failures are our inability to sustain relationships, handle money, loose weight or something else, but if we are to look a little closer, we will see that it's really something deeper!!

Let us hear from you, what did you think about this article?

Sick, Betrayed and Broken

 I woke up feeling like I was in a daze. Had it all been a dream or was it really real? Did my husband really confess to cheating on me multiple times with several different women or was it all a dream?

When I gathered my thoughts and began to feel that pain in my belly, I remembered that it was true and it wasn’t a dream. Yes, when I confronted him the day before with what I saw, he had no choice but to admit the truth. It was a normal day, and I had put all of the kids down for a nap. My sons were 2 and 4 years of age and my daughter was 4 weeks old. I finally had a chance to take a long relaxing shower.  And that’s when it all happened.

It was in the shower that I had another open vision. I now understand this gift that I have, but for years, I didn’t. There are times when I least expect it, that pictures of things, people or places will just flash before me as if I am looking at a movie. I can see things and know them. I have now learned to appreciate and embrace this gift…this knowing.  Well on that particular day, as I was taking my shower, I saw my husband with another woman. I could see her face, how she looked and what they were doing. I had never seen this woman before. I was stunned and I asked God, what should I do with this information? I heard in my spirit to just pray. I did pray, but I also confronted my husband when he came home from work.

As I shared with him what I saw and I described the details of what happened, and  how the woman looked…his face appeared as if he had just saw  a ghost. He was so fearful, until he broke down and confessed every single infidelity. I was crushed. So crushed until I immediately rushed to bathroom and vomited all evening and I cried myself to sleep.

 The next morning, after realizing it wasn’t a dream, I had to decide what to do. I couldn’t tell anyone, and I didn’t know if I wanted to leave him. Where was I going with 3 small babies, no money and no self esteem or self worth? So, I kept it all to myself and pretended everything was well. I had learned over the years to wear the mask of pretence.

 Over the next few weeks, I began to  feel sick in my body. So I went to the doctor and they ran a series of test on me. The final diagnosis was that I had Lupus. Now I am sick. Not only was I sick, but we were also financially broke. I couldn’t run my business and bring in any money, and my husband was spending all of his as he made it, trying to impress folks. I had reached a place of deep ,dark,  despair. But this was a place where only a Loving God could help me. And He did.

I spent the next few weeks totally emerged in prayer and  meditation. Reading everything that I could on the power of God to heal and restore. I was consumed with this task. I had a choice. I could pack up my kids and move back home with my parents, or I could allow God to transform this situation for me. I chose the latter. While I don’t encourage anyone to stay in a relationship that is filled with dishonesty or pain, I made a decision at that moment to remain because there was something bigger going on than what I could see with my natural eyes.  This was a lesson for me, one of love, conviction and commitment.

Here’s what I learned…..You won’t be committed and convicted, until you go through that experience and transform it……which is why these things are happening now around you…which is why life has shown up this way…. In this situation, I allowed God to show up and transform the situation. As a result…I went back to the doctors and they ran more test…there was no more Lupus and it hasn’t been for 26 years now.

 My husband got new job that doubled his salary and he began to bring his money home. I finally forgave my husband. I let go of the resentment. And nine years later, I divorced him. But the day that I divorced him, I loved him unconditionally with the love of God. I had no resentment, no ill feelings whatsoever. Had I left him those years before, it would not have ended that way. I would have been bitter and angry.  Now, I was completely free. God transformed me and that experience.

What experience in your life right now needs to be transformed? Are you willing to remain committed and convicted to allow God to transform it? Will you do your part to co-create the solution?  Or what do you think I should have done?  Let me hear from you below. Let’s chat, leave a comment.  

Who Will You Become in 2012?

We are all hearing conflicting predictions for the coming 2012 year. Some people are saying that is it going to be one of the worst financial years ever. Others are predicting it to be the year of newness and rebirthing. My question to you is, “who’s report will you believe?”

Will you believe the doom and gloom or will you believe the sunny, pie in the sky? I have chosen to believe what I know for sure. I believe 2012 can be the kind of year I choose it to be. Yes, each of us have the power within to create for ourselves the kind of life we want regardless of what is going on around us.

Most millionaires are made during a downturn economy. People will still get rich, people will still fall in love and get married. Babies will still be born, new businesses will still be launched, and people will still heal from sicknesses and people will still laugh and love!!

YOU are the only one who can determine how your year will look. We may not be able to prevent unfortunate things from showing up in our lives, but we do have the power to transform an unfortunate situation into something very powerful.

I would like to share with you 4  rituals that I have adapted in my life as I approach the ending of a year in order to prepare for the coming year.

1. First, I plan my days off from work. I decide how many weeks I want to take off for vacation, spiritual refreshing, or just to chill. I go through my calendar and mark off as many as six weeks. I also take a couple of weekends to attend few important networking and business events. I go through and decide what I want to do and where I want to go. I also go through the calendar and mark off all of my family’s birthdays, to be sure I don’t forget anyone because I want to celebrate their birthdays.
2. I decide on my “Bold Mo’ney Goal” for that year. How much money do I want to earn in my business as well as see come into my life. I don’t just base my goal on mo’ney that I can physically earn, but also on what I can manifest through my own giving and vibrational attraction in the Universe.
3. I develop my business blueprint. I create a blueprint  to match the  portion of my bold mo.ney goal that will be generated through my company. I have a detailed, step by step blueprint. I know exactly what I will be doing in my business the 3rd week in September 2012. I use a unique system that I created to do this and I will be teaching it in many of my workshops and coaching programs
4. Finally, I spend the final 10 days doing a daily ritual. I meditate, write,pray,  study my sacred texts and listen to God. Then I ask these  questions, “Who am I becoming?” “Who is trying to emerge through me?” “Who do I need to become in order to reach these goals?” It always amazes me of the answers I receive. As I get clarity on who I am needing to become in order to accomplish my goals, I listen also for what it will take to become that person.

It’s never what we do that keeps us stuck, it’s who we are being. Who do you need to become in order to generate more mo.ney, more love, more happiness, more health? How do you expand and grow? You need these answers. Because the same person who created the life you are now living will create the same thing next year if you don’t expand and grow.

I hope you have enjoyed reading this, and I know it may appear to be a little “woo woo”, but it has worked for me and I get to experience such an amazing life by allowing God to direct me and my path.

Remember, Live Authentically, Laugh Everyday and Embrace Love as a Lifestyle.

Let me hear from you, what are your rituals you use to prepare for the coming year? Who do you need to become? Share with us below!

Don't forget to become a member of the Fatherless Daughters Network.

The Disappearing Dad

You have heard me talk about the impact that our father-daughter relationships have on our lives as we approach womanhood. It never ceases to amaze me of how many of my clients didn't realize that their father-daughter relationships were the driving force behind much of their beliefs, thoughts and behaviors. Why would they know this?

This is a topic that is not discussed in open forums and rarely discussed in private. It would be safe to believe that a fatherless daughter was an urban issue. That she was some poor little African American girl who grew up without her daddy around. But let me paint a different picture for you, one that I see regularly.

This fatherless daughter is a well-dressed, articulate, successful, educated, upper middle class woman who grew up with her father in the home with her. She comes from a well respected family, background and history. She had a great relationship with her father, and don't believe there were any real issues between them. Right?

Well not exactly. While daddy was a good father, he worked very hard and it didn't leave a lot of time for him to spend quality time with his daughter. Much of her care taking came from mom. Daddy provided well for the family, but he was always gone to meetings or working.

Research has proven that if a father doesn't emotionally bond, connect deeply and show lots of unconditional love for his daughter, it will impact her life as she becomes an adult. The Disappearing Dad, is what we will call this father.

We tend to think about "The Disappearing Dad" as one who abandoned us and was not there for us. While this is true for a lot of us, the impact of a father in the home and not emotionally available to his daughter for whatever reason, has far more consequences in her life once she approaches woman hood.

A Disappearing Dad is one who finds it difficult to connect and bond with his daughter on a deeper level, he is incapable of demonstrating unconditional love towards her. Whether he was present or absent, this can cause real issues for the daughter later in life.

It is important I make it clear that I am not out to bash fathers. This is not my intention. I merely want to bring to light the impact of one of the most important relationships in a girl's life and how it will impact her and become the compass for how she interacts in her relationships with men and money. The impacts are derived from your father's love patterns and love styles.You don't become aware of the affects until they surface within your relationships.

For a woman with a Disappearing Dad, you may find it difficult to connect deeply in your relationships. You are afraid of getting too close, you are defensive and tend to guard your heart.  You tend to be private and hold your emotions inside. Your daddy wound becomes "I'm invisible and I don't exist in my daddy's eyes." Your greatest need is connection but your greatest fear is being rejected and your controlling belief is "I will get hurt if I get get too close."  While on the surface you may not be thinking this, but these beliefs will affect your relationships with men and money.

Let me remind you that a fatherless daughter come from diverse background and they come from various ethnic backgrounds, economics and religions. Be careful not to stereotype them, because you may just be looking at one in the mirror and not realize it...and there is danger in not knowing.

Stay tune for next month as we discuss the "Disapproving Dad."

If you desire to communicate with me, or receive complimentary coaching session with me, go to www.youactnow.info

Also, please leave your comment below...we want to hear from you and start a dialogue about this most important topic of Fatherless Daughters.

The Making of a Fatherless Daughter Part 1

It has been said that the father-daughter relationship is the most important relationship within the family structure. I am no expert on the dynamics of the family structure and do not claim to be. But I do know that the impact of having an unavailable father for a girl can have grave consequences on her life as she approaches adulthood. When this happens, it can and does affect her own family dynamics because she now becomes nurturer and care giver for that family.

I define a fatherless daughter as a woman who grew up with an unavailable father. An unavailable father could mean that he was absent due to divorce, death or abandonment or he could have been unavailable due to being a work alcoholic, alcohol and drug addiction, or he simply lacked the ability to form any close emotional bond and could not show love. Whatever the reason, the life of that daughter will be impacted on many levels.

Every day, I speak to women from diverse backgrounds, from different places in the world who are now recognizing that their father-daughter relationship impacted their lives. Most of them had never really discussed this topic with anyone in detail until now. Why? Well I have my own theory, especially for the women in my generation.

Most of the women of my generation grew up in an era when daddy went to work and many moms stayed at home. Except for those who had single moms like me and I will come back to this point later. But on the most part, it was acceptable that daddy be gone for long hours to work and provide for the family. During these times, when daddy was around, it was normal for the father to be much more involved with their sons than with their daughters. They normally left the task of providing the daughter's role model to the moms. They didn't talk to the daughters as much as they did their sons. They didn't get to know their daughters as much as they did their sons. They did not tend to view themselves as primarily responsible for their daughters primary needs, successes or accomplishments.

Many women of my generation did not see themselves as having issues with their fathers, because this scenario was the norm in the family dynamic and structure. They never expected to be close to their fathers. Now back to those of us who never had our fathers around, many of our child hood friends were in the same boat. Most of my mother's friends were single moms and their daughters were my play mates. So when your immediate surroundings are similar to yours, this becomes normal. Therefore, having a father or not having one was never up for discussion or an issue, so we thought.

Fast forward to today's generation where social change has allowed for young girls to be involved in sports and activities in which their fathers can now identify, we are now seeing more and more fathers becoming very involved with their daughters. These changes are allowing dads to be more involved with the day to day nurturing towards their daughters. And also because of the increase in the numbers of children being born outside of marriage and the shame factor being (regretfully) removed from this, more and more baby daddies are getting involved in their daughters' lives.

But what about the women of my generation? The notion that fathers are not normally very close to their daughters explains why so many females described their father-daughter relationship having been okay and they didn't think they had any fatherless daughters issues. But now that we are having this collective conversation, these women are now beginning to understand that it was not "normal" to have a distant or unavailable father.

I believe no matter the reason a father is unavailable and did not form a close, loving relationship with his daughter, this failure to do so has predictable consequences on that daughter's life as an adult. There are two distinct things that a girl must receive from her dad when growing up: unconditional love and security. When a father makes it clear to his daughter the he loves her unconditionally, just for who she is, he lays the foundation for her healthy self perception. When he shows his approval for how she looks and what she does, he validates her existence. The second thing he must do is make her feel secure. She must feel that the world is safe and that those who love her are dependable and that her needs can be met. When this doesn't happen, her trust factor becomes an issue throughout her life.

As adults, we fatherless daughters begin to judge our success in life based on the money we earn and the love we find. When neither exist at all in our lives or only for just a short spans, we begin to feel unwanted unsafe, insecure and rejected. There begins the making of a fatherless daughter.

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